Trigun: The Mary Sue
by gnails
Summary: Romance, drama, humor, and oh my! A crying Legato? Two mary sues arrive in Gunsmoke only to bring chaos and craziness to our favorite Vash the Stampede. So what's to happen to our motley crew? Finally, the last chapter is UP!
1. Enter the MarySue

I had gotten an inspiration for this when I read WAAAAY too many Mary-Sue stories in all of my favorite animes. Trigun especially, and I had read one with writing I dub as "net-speak". shudders I can understand it for chatting, but for stories! So, I wrote it like that for the wonderful-ness of parodies, so just a warning. This is featuring one of the most clichéd Mary-Sues, the normal girl that suddenly gets sucked into a portal and taken to…dun dun dun! The Trigun world!

_July 2005_: Revamped chapter one. I thought it needed more OOMPH to it.

It's rather simple parody after reading a numerous amount mary-sue stories that plague the Trigun fandom.

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

The feared Chapter One

ok, so lyke 1 day, a gurl wuz walkin down da stret.

her name wuz Kymbyrlee, (a/n lololzz isnt that a tite name) an she wuz wearin a pink halter top and jeanz miniskirt.her shoez were lyke bright pink. she also had pink nails. she wuz lyke so hott!111 she had long, buetiful blonde hair and lyke really long legz. she was a hott modele who was on soooo many fasion magazins. but really she really luved vash from trigun and she promised dat she wuld meet him someday (isnt that sooooo sweet!11 lololzz!) and she really really luved him

And thus, after writing in a paragraph and a line with netspeak, horrid grammar, and atrocious syntax errors, the author was about a millimeter away from shooting herself. Let us continue this a little differently.

Kymbyrlee continued to walk down the crowded street to her model studio as her long soft hair whipped around in the wind elegantly. Every guy turned to glance at her and even watched her with as they fell in love, and every girl glared at her, envying her and wanting to be exactly like her.

The blossoming young woman, Kym, walked on, barely noticing the foreboding alley that oozed with a putrid smell and eerily shadowed itself as she passed. She stopped after passing it, and then retraced her steps back to the alley. Her innocent and mary-sue like curiosity getting the best of her, ignoring the alarms and warnings that went off in her mind because after all, she's a head strong mary-sue. She slowly walked in, not quite aware of the fact that something was going to happen to her. Her hair no longer glinted in the light (since the shadows had covered everything), but her hair still bright as heck, illuminating like a lighthouse on a stormy day.

Suddenly, a blinding, bright light flashed and actually did not blind her as a swirly portal showed up underneath her bright pink shoes. Kym stared in shock, and then screamed when she began to fall at a rapid pace…

Suns blazed the sky as Kym protected her shiny, baby blue eyes. She stood up and dusted her skirt. She surveyed the land, noticing the barren and arid landscape. There was a city in the horizon, but it was at least a mile away.

Kymbyrlee inspected her completely unharmed, manicured nails.

"Ew!" She noticed that sand had gotten under her nails. Oh, the horror. Despite the fact that she was the cheer captain at her prestigious high school, loved by all, knew CPR, knew survival skills, knew how to survive in the desert the best, and there was actually an oasis about 10 yards off to her left, she felt like fainting and to be saved by a hunky man.

As she nearly reached a point of unconsciousness, someone with lifted her up, and set her in under a shady tree at the oasis. She felt water go down her throat, which was rather useless because she was completely healthy and completely hydrated. Her eyesight was blurry, but she could barely make out the figure of her savior. He was rather lanky, with really really spiky blonde hair and wearing the brightest red coat. His eyes were an aquamarine with a hint of teal.

Her absolutely gorgeous blue eyes widened in recognition as she screeched, "YOU'RE VASH!"

She had forgotten that she was on the verge of passing out and jumped onto Vash and hugged him tightly. Vash had the wind knocked out of him from the sheer force of Kym. He had fallen onto the ground, and he scratched the back of his head with an impish grin.

Vash had been off to another town, looking for some medicines for his comatose brother and other supplies and was currently on his way back home. While he was on his Thomas, he had seen all of it happen, some pretty girl falling from the sky by means of a swirly portal. He should have been startled by the peculiarity of it all. Yet, he didn't care.

In fact, he was falling in **l-o-v-e**.

**To be continued.**

A/N: I forgot all about the Mary-Sue tragic past thingy, but, I'll get to that later. Sorry it's so short, but a lot of Mary-Sue stories that I've seen so far are have short chapters. Who knows? Obviously as you noticed, I got tired of the Mary-Sues that have been popping up in many of my favorite animes. What bothers me even more is that the reviewers are like, "That was so good!" I never review. Maybe I should start doing that. ANYWAY! I hope you liked it!

_July 2005_: I revamped chapter one a little bit. I'm going to work on the other chapters, edit them a tad and revamp them.

So comes in Kymbyrlee, the first feared mary-sue. Not much eh? There's more to come.


	2. Back from the dead, just because she's s...

Yeah, I forgot the disclaimer the first chapter. Darn, I don't own Trigun and never will. I do own the mary-sue. . That's about it. Now watch our mary-sue, Kym, help Knives repent and reform his evil ways in just simply minutes, be accepted by EVERYONE, and have every male character, alive and dead, fall for her. So, on with the story..

_July_ 2005: Revamped chapter two. :D

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

Chapter TWO!

Even though a minute ago Kymbyrlee was feeling rather faint, her renewed energy surprised Vash to an extent where he thought that it was even greater than his. Gee, I wonder how that happened.

She skipped around on the loose sand towards the city, and never even ONCE did she lose her balance with her amazingly bright pink high-heeled shoes that fit her oh so well. Her shimmering blonde hair cascaded down her back and floated as she gracefully leaped around on the harsh desert terrain. Vash followed her via Thomas with a slight sense of awe, but he still felt that something was _off_ with her. Perhaps she wasn't human, or she had some superhuman abilities. Vash shrugged his shoulders, and thought, ah, who cares? He was still falling for Kym despite just meeting her ten minutes ago. She was so beautiful though. Therefore, she must beautiful on the inside too.

The pair made it back into the city with a little trouble after Vash tried to fend off a large hoard of men who would not stop following Kymbyrlee around and constantly proclaiming their individual love for her. After much huffing, puffing, and shooting, they finally made it back to the small house that Vash was staying at with Meryl and Milly, the two insurance girls, and his comatose but still-so-evil twin brother, Knives. As Vash opened the door for Kym, he gave off a goofy lovesick grin and could have just fallen down on the ground. The first person they saw was Milly, at the kitchen stove, humming a tune and watching over a pot of soup.

"Uhm, Vash?" Kym said with a sickenly shy sweet tone, "Where's your brother Knives?"

Instead of being wary and interrogating her with suspicion about how she knew Knives in _any_ possible way, Vash just simply grinned some more and pointed to the stair case, "Second door on your left." He sighed happily as Kymbyrlee walked up the stairs, who then looked back over her shoulder and winked and Vash.

Milly noticed Vash's odd and goofy look on his face.

"Vash, are you okay?" Milly asked with some concern, "And who is that pretty girl?"

Vash sighed again, his eyes still glued on the stair case, "She came out some swirly portal in the sky, right on the outskirts of town. She's so perfect, and I don't know what her name is, BUT I think….I think I'm falling in love."

Being very intuitive as she was, Milly said, "Vash, I think you're falling in love with the mary-sue."

Vash blinked, "Wai…wha? What's a mary-sue?" He scratched his head in puzzlement.

"It's an original character in a fanfiction where he/she is absolutely perfect in every aspect, and usually portrays as the author itself," Milly stated with confidence, "mary-sues are usually have very tragic pasts, have talents greater than the canon character(s), and have the author's favorite character(s) fall in love with the mary-sue. Usually after having a romance, saving someone or the planet, she dies. Well, sometimes. I learned all of this from my second eldest sister! She's a bit of a writer,"

"I think there's more to what a mary-sue is, but I can't exactly remember it all." Milly stirred the soup languidly.

Silence ensued until Vash said in a bold voice with a heroic pose, "I don't care! I feel like I could just melt any second when I'm with…eh…her!"

Milly smiled again, "Okay Vash. The soup's almost done, and Meryl is going to come back soon. Go and get that pretty girl! Oh, I wonder if I should make a bowl for Knives in case he wakes up…" Humming again, Milly opened the cabinets and placed some bowls next to the pot of soup. She scooped some soup out into each bowl as Vash hopped his way up the stairs, two steps each hop.

Meanwhile in Knives room…

Knives had awoken. Something had ticked in his brain, something that told him to expect something large had woken him up from his deep slumber. It was interesting. Perhaps it was a sign for Knives that he was to finally gain more of his plant powers and to actually kill all of the wretched humans on the planet. Perhaps it was a sign that he would finally be successful with overcoming his brother, and they together would kill them all…but for now, he was sore, tired, hungry, and inevitably, stuck inside the room.

Knives sat in his bed with some drab covers over him, mumbling curses about "spiders", "butterflies" and "filthy humans". He heard a soft knock on his door and a creak from the hinges. A girl entered, with long, flowing and voluptuous blonde hair that glimmered with radiance and a tiny jeans skirt that barely covered her long, creamy legs. Her milky shoulders were exposed and contrasted even more against the brilliant flair of her shimmering pink halter-top. Knives had never seen a more stunning person.

"Oh Knives!" she whispered in exaggerated pity and sadness. Knives blushed. (Blushed!) Her slim fingers with pink nail polish reached out to touch him so slowly. When her feathery touch met his face, Knives flinched and backed away. He felt so…so soiled with guilt by just a simple, stupid phrase. Her strong yet innocent blue eyes were filled with unshed tears and filled with the wonders of LIFE! Not really, just that her eyes were just very blue.

Kymbyrlee said with such phony sorrow, "Can't you understand that us humans work so hard to achieve our accomplishments? I know I love you, but you still never change!" Knives was moved to tears. It seemed he had forgotten the fact that he and Kymbyrlee had never met before, in this life or past ones.

"I'm so sorry, my beloved Kymbyrlee!" Knives began to bawl like a baby, his tears pouring out like a faucet on full power, "Can …can you ever…forgive me! I'll repent, I'll always help old ladies cross the street, and I will stop stealing candy from children! I'm so sorry! Do you still love me!"

"Knives," Kym said in her cheesiest voice, "I still love you baby regardless of the fact that I used to be in an relationship with a private eye that was shot down in front of me and swore that I would always love only him forever! I know you would change your ways for me! Even though you're an anime character from a TV show, and I'm actually some random girl from Earth and a mary-sue with bland and annoying characteristics and mannerisms, our love is boundless…and we will always stay together forever!" She hugged Knives as he hugged her back.

Vash, whom had been listening the whole time, barged into Knives's room with teary eyes. He dropped down to his knees and looked up to Kymbyrlee with a pleading expression on his face.

"NUUU! I love you the most! Don't go with my maniacal twin brother! Nothing good will come of it! He can't support you, he's never worked a day in his life! Sure, he may seem handsome at first glance, but when you really get to know him, he'll just use you!" Vash began to beg and cling onto Kym's legs, "And just because I don't know you're name doesn't mean we're meant for each other! How's this for starts: Hi, my name's Vash the Stampede! What's yours!"

Kym let go of Knives then passionately embraced and kissed Vash. She then said, "Oh, honey! Let's go to your room,"

Hand in hand, Vash and Kymbyrlee were just about to touch the door to go out before an unexpected voice yelled, "NO! Don't go with tongari! I love you more than anyone!"

Vash rapidly turned around. He knew that voice. Vash's eyebrows scrunched as he stared at the transparent person.

"Wolfwood! Wha? How?" Vash's mind spun around in circles while the dark-haired priest shrugged his shoulders in response.

Another voice suddenly came up, "Wait! Don't go! I'll treat to a fudge sundae! And I can give you more love than anybody else!" This time, it was Knives's turn to be confused.

"Legato? My most trusted man? You're dead though! You made sure that Vash would kill you!" Legato Bluesummers also had the same transparency as Wolfwood had, making everyone wonder, how the heck did two dead men rise up from their graves?

In response, Kym put a finely manicured finger to her lips as she struck a bashful-girl pose, "I forgot to tell you guys, but uh…," she smiled vividly, "I have special powers."

Do those special powers have to do something with raising people from the dead with just the drop-dead gorgeousness of being a Mary-Sue?

Yep.

**To be continued.**

A/N: I'm actually pretty satisfied with this chapter. Oh yes. In the next chapter, Meryl is gonna come and let's see how everything works out.

I never wanted to make Knives to look like such a wimp, I'M SO SORRY KNIVES!

I'm having such fun with this story.

Ah yes, for ChibiMilly, there's a rather incomplete definition of a mary-sue up there. Hah! I'm on DecoyNeko's fav author's list! Su Kaimu's too! dances

And of course, a thanks to DecoyNeko, Su Kaimu, Kagata, and ChibiMilly13 for reviewing!

_July 2005_: More revamping. It's pretty fun!


	3. The Spork, the Glass, Meryl, and Mary Su...

Yo everybody! I did a little research on Mary-Sues, found some rather interesting information. Such as, did you know that the Mary-Sue can hide in many different guises? So I'm trying to make Kym a lil mix of all them. Heh, this is gonna be fun. Following Kym, let's watch as all the guys vie for her love, Kymbyrlee herself show off more of her "hidden talents", and find out what tragic relationship Kym once had.  And I'm thinking of making Knives rather OOC, after all, that's what Mary-Sues can do. Mehehehe….Well, actually, I dunno. * shrugs *

Standard disclaimer applies, where I don't own Trigun….blah blah…

****

**Trigun****: The Mary-Sue**

Chappie Threeee!

            Meryl slammed the front door shut as she threw her coat on a nearby table. Loud footsteps and noises could be heard from upstairs. More specifically, Knives's room. 

            She slanted her eyes in bewilderment, _what in Gunsmoke is going on?!_ She really hoped it wasn't nothing too bad, such as Knives waking up and wanting to wipe the entire human race out, but it might be a good thing, such as…Knives waking up and wanting to the entire the human race out. Meryl sighed, Vash must be complaining to his brother about how constantly, she forgets to get donuts whenever her shift at the diner was over. 

The fourth step squeaked as Meryl made her way up stairs, trying to figure out why Milly wasn't downstairs, in the kitchen, usually whipping up one of her recipes from home. Voices and noise got louder as she slowly tip-toed to Knives room.

"None of you can have her! She's mine!" a voice that Meryl could make out as Knives. A crash followed after, and then someone cursing under their breath.

"You know," another voice nonchalantly said, "I was never really that loyal to Knives…" Another curse, more noises. Meryl was baffled, it sounded so vaguely familiar.

"Ouch, why did you throw that?" Meryl instantly knew this voice, that stupid broomhead, "I don't get it…what's going on?!" A huge crash suddenly came as glass shattered the floor in Knives room.

"Oh shut up tongari." Meryl's eyes widened, there was no way it was possible.

Meryl grabbed the brass doorknob, twisted it and opened the door in a violent whoosh. 

Knives was on his bed, like he usually was, and had his eyes fixated on an absolutely gorgeous girl who was unnaturally curvy and had a gravity defying chest. Her long, blond hair with streaks of silver (A/N: tee hee..) flowed "elegantly" over her shoulders, and her slender legs were crossed as she sat on a chair. Meryl gasped, as she turned away, ack! Alas! The girl's halter-top was too bright! 

Meryl said to herself, "I should've worn my sunglasses…" She eyed the group again, Milly smiled as she waved and greeted her sempai, Vash was sprawled on the floor with pieces of glass all around him from a vase that was on stand as he weakly waved and said, "Hi insurance girl." But what probably surprised Meryl was the fact that Mr. Wolfwood and Mr. Bluesummers were floating a few inches of the floor right in front of her. Oh yeah, and also the fact that they were actually supposed to be six feet under.

"Who-wha-wher? What's goin-huh?!" The petite woman sputtered. Vash shrugged his shoulders with a his eyes arched, the ghostly Wolfwood just laughed silently while he tried to grab a cigarette then just remembered that he was dead, Legato's thin lips smirked, and Knives just snarled at everyone else. Meryl could hear a small "pathetic spiders, she's mine!" escape Knives's mouth.

Milly walked up to Meryl, "Sempai!"

"Milly, who's the girl?" Meryl questioned the larger woman with intensity.

"Oh you mean Mary-Sue-san?" Meryl's eyes widened until they were as large as saucers.

"A mary-sue?! I thought those didn't exist!!!" Meryl threw here arms in the air, "there's no way possible! Though, my mom said she once knew a mary-sue…Milly, are you sure it's a mary-sue?"

Milly didn't speak for a moment then began to speak slowly, as if she was thinking of something at the same time, "You know Sempai, I really think it's a mary-sue because Vash told me she just suddenly came out from a swirly portal, and now, Vash said he loves her."

"Oh, did he now?" Meryl said behind gritted teeth while a vein popped in her head and her fists were clenched, "I'll just have to test it out."

The small insurance woman gingerly picked up a large piece sharp of glass, and then just chucked it at Kymbyrlee. The four men watched in slow motion as they tried to stop the flying glass. But they were instantly befuddled when Kymbyrlee suddenly and cleanly caught the shard. Yet what befuddled them even more is that not even a single drop of blood came from the pretty girl's hand. In fact, there was no cut. 

"Yep, you're right Milly," Meryl somberly nodded at Milly, "she's a mary-sue. Though, has she said anything about her past?"

Milly shook her head, "You mean the tragic past? Not really Sempai, I guess you'll have to wait. Anyway Sempai, you're here right on time! Lunch is ready! Let's all go downstairs!"

Meryl walked out of the room, followed by Vash who was rubbing his sore rear end. Kymbylee got up and walked to the door, then turned around and flashed a rather…mary-sueish smile that made Wolfwood, Knives, and Legato melt inside and then swayed her hips as she walked out. Knives forced himself out of bed, despite his wounds from his previous gunfight with Vash, and tried miserably to saunter out of the room. Legato followed his former master out. 

"Wolfwood," The priest stopped in his tracks as Milly glanced at him, "I missed you." Milly knew that for now, she couldn't compete with the mary-sue, Kym, and was going to have to wait for Kym to die some disastrous yet heroic way like most mary-sues. But was Wolfwood going to still be there afterwards? Milly just thought it was best to finally say it to the priest this early.

Milly smiled and then quietly exited the room.

Wolfwood was speechless as he stood all alone in the now silent room.

Vash, Knives, Meryl, and the mary-I mean Kymbyrlee sat at the kitchen table, while Legato stared sadly at the freezer, wondering if he could eat ice cream. Milly was serving them some soup with fresh bread she had gotten from the nearby bakery. She placed the steaming bowl in front of Kym.

"Be careful, it might be a little spicy," Milly said. Unexpectedly, Kymbyrlee began sobbing. The group looked at Kymbyrlee a little oddly, then to each other, then back to Kym.

Being Milly, the brown-haired woman said to Meryl, "Sempai, I think she might start talking about some of her tragic past now," And right she was.

Between wracks of sobs and sniffles, "The-the s..spicy soup reminds me of him!" Vash scooted over a little more and handed the girl with amazingly shiny blonde hair a handkerchief and patted her back. Kym sniffled a little bit as she accepted the hankie.

"Th-thank you!" Kymbyrlee said sweetly. Knives and Legato glared at Vash.

"So," Meryl said rather boredly, "tell us about 'him'." Meryl placed an elbow on the table and laid her head in her hands.

Kym looked around, more at the three men, and blushed, "He…he was my former lover…." Kym sniffed again, what seemed daintly to the guys and rather annoyingly to Meryl, "he was a…private eye who lived in the slumps, but he died i-in…ac-act…action…" Kym began to wail loudly, "that's why…now…I'm scared to love anyone!"

Knive took Kym's fine-looking hand and said with a puffed chest, "I will break you out of this sadness and watch the walls around your heart crumble from my love!" (A/N: awww, O.o) 

Meryl came to the conclusion that the mary-sue was the reason for Knives's abnormal behavior. She rolled her eyes and buried her head even deeper in her hands. Oh the stress!

Vash, on the other hand, looked like he was going to throw away his oath not to kill others and just shoot his brother then and there. Legato was trying hard to pick up a nearby spork and stab Knives with it.

Wolfwood had just floated down and stood on Milly's side of the table, watching the scene with malice. If only he could use his cross-punisher, he would go and kill Knives now for _even touching her!!!_

And Milly just smiled as she began to eat her soup.

TBC….

**

Whee! I'm done with the third chapter! This story is getting really fun to write.

Hey, guess what? I'm now on Magnet-Rose, ChibiMilly13, Sunoko, Super Purple Neko, Foresythe, and Kobayahi Excel's fav lists!! WHEE!!

And much thanks to Magnet-Rose, Kagata, ChibiMilly13, Arafel, Foresythe, Su Kaimu, Sunoko, Lady Shadowcat, Super Purple Neko, and Kobayahi Excel for all the reviews!

Hehe…so what's gonna happen now? You're just gonna have to tune in!

peace.


	4. The Plothole and the Shoot Out

Hey everyone, it's Zula. Here's my excuse for being a little late…school is ebil! I need to stab something with a spork now….

ANYWAY! Uhm..what should I say with the story? Well, that we might find some more "developments" of Kym…yeah….

Standard disclaimers apply. (whoo, sounding professional now?)

**Trigun****: The Mary-Sue**

Chapter Quatre!

            Meryl had always complimented herself on being a "patient" person, her record usually being around a couple of minutes….and ending with her stamping whatever made her horribly angry and shooting her 50 derringers. One reason why she worked so well for the Bernedelli Insurance Society. 

            But her patience has never lasted this long, Meryl was waiting and waiting for the end. So that blasted mary-sue could die. 

            Yet why wasn't she yelling at the top of her lungs for Vash and making the extra amazingly crimson haired (yes, I repeat, _crimson_, a rather sudden switch from blonde…) mary-sue with voluptuous hips and a rather large chest into Swiss cheese? Why wasn't she, in all rights, going guns a blazing to rid Gunsmoke of that vile mary-sue who was from a swirly portal in which _that _was from whatsthatplace and all the Meryl-ness that she had? 

            A sudden click formed in her brain, the perfect connection! Could it be that Meryl was losing all the gut that she had, because….because of the _effects of the mary-sue?!!_

            Meryl groaned as she fell back into the seat. She was _deliberately_ feeling inferior next to that…that…mary-sue! And of course, there's that other thing that mary-sues can only die in some ridiculously dramatic way. 

            "Damn, I need some coffee." Meryl grumbled and dragged herself up to go get a mug. She poured herself a cup, which was freshly brewed by Milly. Meryl plopped herself back down on her seat. She wearily looked up when the large figure of Milly seated herself in the chair across from Meryl.

            "So, where are the rabidly insane with love boys?" Meryl questioned with sarcasm literally oozing out of her mouth. 

            "Well Sempai, I'm not too sure, but last time I checked, Knives-san was in bed, Vash-san was out getting donuts," Milly counted the two on her fingers, "Legato is the living room…"

            "Doing what?" Milly shrugged her shoulders.

            "I don't know Sempai, he looked really unhappy. And Wolfwood-.." Milly stopped short, "He said something about going out to clear his mind."

            Meryl stretched herself back, "Well, he better stay out of sight, I don't think we need more trouble than we already have." Milly nodded in agreement. "And what about the mary-sue, whatshername, Katherine? Karen? Kimberly?"

            "Actually Sempai, it's Kymbyrlee. I heard Knives-san chanting her name when I last checked up on him." 

            "Oh," Meryl weakly said, "that's great." 

            The front door suddenly slammed open as a red-coated outlaw entered the house.

            "I'm HOOOOME!!!" Vash yelled enthusiastically. Meryl cringed from the high volume.

            "Welcome home." Meryl said boredly, never looking away from the table while taking a gulp of coffee. Vash popped his head into the kitchen.

            "Hey, hey short insurance girl, you've got to come and see this. There's a shooting contest, and Kymbyrlee, otherwise known as the love of my life, is outshooting every guy in town! Even me!" Vash then gleefully ran out.

            Meryl quickly stumbled out of her seat while yelling, "Since when was there a shooting contest in this town?!!"

            Milly hurried to grab her coat before saying, "I think it's a plothole Sempai!!"

            Kymbylee blew air out of her luscious, unnaturally ruby lips as the smoke from her gun faded away. Instead of her usual outfit of the insanely bright pink halter top, jeans mini-skirt, and bright pink shoes, she was dressed in very raunchy, risqué clothes which included a white button-up shirt that was cut _very high_, showing a beautiful abdomen with a huge scar running across her stomach, marking where the reading must wonder where the heck it came from, but that will be explained later, khaki shorts that were just about yay long, showing what was her legs, a pair of "unique" leather gloves, boots, a long trench coat that was completely useless because it didn't cover anything and it had no point, AND to top it all of, a large brimmed cowboy hat with her flaming red hair, not red but _flaming red_, tucked up in a ponytail with strands hanging out here and there to give a more sexy appeal.

            And did you know that the whole description of Kymbyrlee took up as whole paragraph?! While at the same time, where had she gotten all of the clothes without searching for hours on Gunsmoke and arranging them flawlessly? These kinds of questions can never be answered…

            Vash conjured up sparkly eyes as he stared at the mary-sue aka his girlfriend (despite the other four men), aka his lover, aka his soulmate, aka anything else that shows his unusual obsession with the less than human mary-sue. Three continuous bangs were heard as three tin cans toppled over. A black, smudged hole bore in all three. 

           The judge of the event, a rather vertically challenged man with a large bushy beard and wearing a suit and a bowl hat, scratched his head while he wrote down her score, "That another three cans, she's shot about…150 cans down now…" 

            Meryl fumed to the point where steam was coming out from the top of her head. She roughly grabbed Vash's collar and yanked him down to her eyesight, "Okay broomhead, how many cans can you shoot down in a row?" Meryl let go of Vash. The tall gunsman tucked his left arm around his chest and tapped his right index finger against the side of his chin. 

            "Well, let's see…The most I've done is about 450? No, wait, make that close to 500…" Vash began to count on his fingers.

            "On average?" Meryl asked hurriedly. Vash crunched his forehead as he thought for a minute.

            "Yep, on average." 

The insurance woman sighed with relief until she realized, "Wait, didn't you say that…what was it...Kymbyrlee out shot you?"

Vash gave a sheepish grin and scratched the back of his head, "Uhm, yeah, I missed my 50th can." 

Meryl sighed yet again but out of exasperation. Her head perked up while she watched the mary-sue noticing the large scar across Kym's stomach, "Hey Milly?"

"Yes Sempai?" Milly stood next to Meryl, opening up a container of pudding.

"Do you notice that scar on-?" Milly looked up.

"Sempai, I think that scar has to be a 'special marking'. Scars are usually supposed to be a reminder of her tragic past," The tall woman said informatively. 

"Milly, how do you know this again?"

"My second oldest sister."

"Oh yeah…"

"How is my pretty lover doing?" A cold voice said over the women's shoulders. Milly and Meryl slowly turned their heads around to look at a ghostly Legato.

"Oh great!" Milly chirped, "She's ahead of everyone." Meryl frantically tried to move Legato out of anyone's sight, but to no avail. After all, the guy's kinda dead and well, translucent? 

"Hey, do you notice that man who's kinda transparent?" A random man said to his random friend in the crowd that gathered around the shooting event.

The random friend replied back, "Aw, who cares? I just want to watch that hot babe with hot red hair shoot another can down."

"Then again, you are right," agreed the random man. The two males went back to drooling over the mary-sue.

After the event, and guess who won, Kymbyrlee sashayed her way to Vash and curled her finger at him, "Come on Vashy," she purred like a lion, "we're gonna go celebrate at that restaurant, **_La Vanche Qui-rit_**." Vash nodded dumbly with his tongue sticking out and followed Kymbyrlee like a puppy. 

She stopped, remembering something, then turned her head around letting her red tresses flip, "Oh, Legato! You're coming too. And we'll pick up Knives and Nicky as well." Legato floated pass Vash, giving the lanky man a smug smirk and settled on being next to Kym rather than being behind her.  The trio then started their way to **_La Vanche_**_ **Qui-rit**_!

"Ano, Sempai?" Milly nudged Meryl a bit, "Shouldn't we be following them?"

The shorter woman shrugged her shoulders, "Might as well, I don't think they'll mind. Besides, I work there."

The two partners slowly made their way to the restaurant, **_La Vanche Qui-rit_**. As Meryl opened the door, Milly said, "You know Sempai, I think there's some more into Mary-sue-san's history. Actually, I think there's a lot."

They stepped into the restaurant, making their way through the maze of tables and chairs, "Like, what do you think Milly?"

"Well-…" Meryl and Milly arrived at the table and seated themselves. 

Then, pandemonium ensued.

TBC…

**

Muahahahah! *lightening and thunder in background* 

Anyway, you should keep in mind that the scar across Kym's abdomen means something, that will connect to something and someone(s). 

Much thanks to Kisaragi Rika, Kouu Sabishii, Foresythe, ChibiMilly13, Ala, Artemis Finchwing I, Saiyan Butterfly, Weilla, greeneydgrl74, Super Purple Neko, Pee-chan, Midnightingale, and the two anonymous reviewers, "X" and "This is too funny" XD. 

Man, I'm on a lot of people's fav lists, THANK YOU!!! *cries* I've never been anymore happier!

Yo Foresythe, I am really glad that my story helped you in the fight against mary-sues. I never was really expecting this story to have, really, any effect to help anyone's writing. It was more like for me to get rid of some pent up anger about mary-sue stories that I see a lot, and to put it in a humorous way. Also to get the message out that mary-sues are popping up like weeds. Nevertheless, I am very happy that this story helped you out ^_^.

The Mary-sue Limitus Test link that Foresythe recommended is actually . e while I was doing some more in depth research about mary-sueism. Thanks Foresythe!

And, thank YOU for reading this.

peace!


	5. Drunk? Oh yeah

Dang, sorry for being so dead for the past months, been kinda, I'll admit it, LAZY! So sorry!

Sunoko asked about the last chapter, "Where's our favorite priest?" Well, that was a good question. Then, I also noticed how there wasn't much of Knives either. But! We will watch the perils of Knives and Nicholas D. Wolfwood as they try to reach the haven of **_La Vanche Qui-rit_** as a psychotic but loveable and recovering plant, and a more than ghostly and more than dead priest. AND! More on Kym, muahahaha!

I forgot to say thanks to Weiila for recommending that lovely story, "Protectors of the Plot Continuum", I read ALL of it. Mweee! I wanna be one of the agents!

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

Chapter Five!

Then, pandemonium ensued.

But of course, who would really care much about what happened to that mary-sue? Instead, let's rewind a bit to a different setting. How about Knives's room?

The light blonde haired plant was carefully tucked away underneath his blanket and was left with a small kiss on the cheek from Kym. Giving a rather unusual _lovesick _smile, he couldn't wait to see Kymbyrlee again. Score, Knives-1, Everyone else-they can die.

And the cheers of Legato and Wolfwood could be heard throughout the town.

"Ya know, Iii've nevah been in luuuuv before," slurred words coming from Legato's mouth. He began to lean heavily on his fellow comrade, the drunken priest, Wolfwood. The both walked down the main street, Legato trying to remember why he wasn't at the restaurant and Wolfwood trying to figure out why he wasn't translucent.

"He-ey, shouldn't you beeee inshiiiiide with Kym?" Wolfwood said in a sing-songy voice. He swayed a little, then got back up.

"She said, tha I should go outshiiiide," Legato hiccupped.

"An you listened?" Wolfwood snorted, "Veeery shmart,"

Legato grinned insanely, "Lookie at me now! I can hold thingshs! An…an, I remember now, then she told me to go to the bar to shelebrate! Ishn't that great?"

"She told me that too!" Wolfwood stopped for a minute, "Wait a shecond, if she was there, at the reshtaurant thingy with Vaaash and Meeeeryl and Miiiilly, then how could she be with me?" Wolfwood couldn't seem to comprehend the oddity at being in two places at once with his hazed mind.

"I think she's, whatshthatword…uhm..om..omnipreshent! That's it, omnipreshent!" Legato smiled even more at his wits and brains.

Wolfwood nodded as they continued down the road, "Yeah..that's right, let's go find them,"

So the odd, very out of character pair made their way back to the restaurant. Now back to Knive's, tsk, sudden setting jumps.

"Knives, oh Knives!" Kymbyrlee gently pushed the sleeping figure. Knives, on the other hand, did not respond, but simply just rolled over. Not used to being ignored, the mary-sue began to whine and shove Knives even more, "Kniiives! Wake uuuuup!"

"Shuddup you insolent, lowly, filthy spider," mumbled Knives, not even realizing who he was talking to. Ah, the old Knives was back, but then he looked up and noticed it was Kym. Knives instantly paled.

"_What_ did you call me?" Kym said glaring daggers at Knives, " Do you not understand who I am? I am the prettiest girl in all of Gunsmoke and on Earth AND YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO WAKE UP TO ME!" Ouch, talk about arrogant.

Knives slowly got out of bed and cowered on the floor. He whimpered slightly, "Oh great and wonderful Kymbyrlee, I am forever you loyal evil villain boy-toy and your best bet at saving a doomed soul with your pure essence and aura!" He began to bow, his forehead touching the wooden floor.

Kymbyrlee softened her voice, "Knives, I'm so sorry for shouting at you! Come, I need you to go to **_La Vanche Qui-rit_**. I'll be there waiting for you!" Knives looked up, and Kym was gone.

Yep, she was omnipresent.

Knives walked to the restaurant, clad in his brother's button up shirt and khaki pants, without much difficulty. The moment he stepped into the fancy restaurant, he noticed that there was something peculiar going on.

Every man, between the ages of 17 and 90 and not serving food, were hovering around a table like moths to a light, which Knives suspected was where Vash, Kym, Meryl, and Milly were seated.

Because of the onslaught of males around Kym, Knives had no way to go through or around to the table. So he used the simplest way to get to the table.

Like Moses parting the red sea, bodies were thrown everywhere as Knives walked tall with a high chin towards the table. With his plant powers, he had made a path from the entrance to the table, and that of course, scared all of the men who scurried off.

When Knives was seated, Vash commented on how the restaurant was now very vacant except for the waiters, cashier, and others in the back kitchen. Meryl was just glad she wasn't being harassed by an 80+ year old man.

All of the food was received and eaten heartily. After the meal, Meryl noticed how Kym constantly opened her mouth then closed it as if she was about to say something. Milly nudged her sempai, this was it, this was the "something" that the mary-sue wanted to talk about.

"Ah, Knives…Vash, there's something I need to tell you two." Kym said with innocence and nervousness. The two plant brothers looked at her and nodded, giving her full attention, "You see, my parents were both scientists, and they were working on a project to make the first genetically engineered human." Vash and Knives both nodded vigorously.

"So?" Meryl said with a bored tone.

"This project, was called _Project Plants_…" Vash's and Knives' eyes widened incredibly, "And…since I some problems as an experiment, I had a lot of surgeries,"

_You call that small scar "a lot of surgeries?"_ Meryl thought, since what the mary-sue wore didn't cover much and showed a lot of "creamy, milky, pale skin that shined with natural radiance".

Wait, wasn't this plant project a recent thing? There was only one plant before Vash and Knives.

Meryl was already waaaay to frustrated with everything else about Kym to handle this.

Kym started to cry as she began again with her the tragic story of her past, "So I had this angel-arm, and I couldn't control it when I was younger! I blew up random houses on my street, and even my preschool! All of the adults were scared of me and the other children made fun of me! It was so horrible!"

Kym began to sob heavily, while Vash nodded sadly and patted her back, "It went on like this until I was eighteen, when I finally met….him…." Kym stopped crying and looked up with sparkly eyes, " Him, he was a gritty private eye, but that was just him on the outside! He was so caring and loving, and accepted me for who I was. I always helped him on his cases, blowing up the bad guys." Kym sighed

Meryl wanted to vomit at the sappiness of the story. She began to rub her temple to stop another oncoming headache. Milly, in contrast, was indulging herself with her tenth cup of pudding. And thus, the mary-sue continued on.

"One day, I wasn't there," tears began to fall out of Kym's eyes, "and he was just lounging around at the apartment. But…a guy broke in, and-and…an…." She began to cry some more, "He was shot, right in front of me! I remember cradling his head, whispering "I love you", and he couldn't talk as he slipped away. He used all of his energy to mouth the words, saying that he loved me so much…" Tearful sobs escaped her enchanted ruby lips (a/n: Psh, ruby…that's the name of my dog!) as she held her face in her finely manicured hands.

Knives and Vash were crying, sobbing, sniffling, blowing their noses, and bawling their hearts out. Meryl had an indifferent expression, and was wondering who had to pay the bill. She was hoping it was Kymbyrlee; maybe mary-sues could bring out from their almost non-existent bank accounts, huge sums of money. Meryl had no idea whether or not that was true, but she sure as hell wasn't paying. After all, she and Milly were the only ones who really had jobs, and they needed the money for just the basic necessities of life.

Vash suddenly stopped his "ohmigod, that wuz the liek the saddst stori i've ever heard!" session.

"Wait," everyone looked at Vash, "does that mean Knives and I are no long eligible to be Kym's lovers, since, you know, it could mess up the gene pool? Afterall, she's our something great grandmother."

"How do you know that the mar-Kymbyrlee is your something great grandmother Vash?" Meryl queried.

Vash shrugged, "I dunno, I just do."

Knives took Kymbyrlee's hands into his own, "It's okay Kym, as your descendent, I will make you a proud plant of me ever since you have driven away the huge gaping darkness that engulfs my whole soul, body, and heart." Kym and Knives then gazed deeply into each other's eyes.

Meryl mouthed the word "incest" and pointed at the mary-sue and once psychotic plant to Vash. In return, Vash nodded dumbly. Milly was still eating pudding.

Huge whoops of joy suddenly erupted from behind them all at the entrance. Standing there were two, very alcohol induced men. More specifically, Wolfwood and Legato. Since the restaurant was nearly empty since Knives' amazing, awe-wondering entrance, Wolfwood and Legato could hear the whole story clearly since they had arrived nearly forty-five minute earlier.

"Yaaaaaay for ussssshhh! Now weeesh get to be the loversh!" Legato yelled and jumped, promptly falling and passing out on the floor.

Wolfwood swayed and nudged Legato with his foot, "Heeellloooo? Are you awake Legato?" The priest hiccupped and laughed, "Oh Milly!" Wolfwood grinned stupidly at her, "That'shmy big girl! Lookie! Kymbyrlee made me real again! And now, I have a better chance at being Kym'sh luuuuuuuvin toooooy!"

Milly smiled, "Oh, that's good! Why don't you come and have some pudding with me?"

"Oooo! Pudding!" Wolfwood swayed, nearly tripped, and drunkenly made his way to the table with his friends, and then plopped himself into the seat next to Milly.

Meryl leaned back in her chair, "Well, I'm not paying. Vash, come on, let's get Legato back home."

"Once we get back, I'll take care of Legato!" Kym piped up.

Meryl got up an waved her hand in the air, "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure," Vash stood up from his seat and stood beside Meryl.

Vash then held Meryl's hand in his, smiled at her, and gently said, "Let's get back, shall we?" Meryl blushed and speechlessly nodded. The two made it out the door, never letting go with Legato on Vash's shoulder and Kymbyrlee trailing behind.

Milly and Wolfwood stayed at the restaurant, eating pudding, until Wolfwood became increasingly close to collapsing.

"Come on, let's get you back home Priest-san." Milly said as she helped Wolfwood up.

Wolfwood smiled, "That'shmy big girl. My big girl."

TBC…

Something sweet to end the chapter. Seems like the effects of the mary-sue is beginning to fade away.

My MANY apologies for the HUGE gap of time. I have been lacking in motivation, and was thinking about ditching the story.

Anyway, BIG thank yous to Foresythe, the old fart, Jenna1980, Kristen the Hornfreak, AnonymousTrigunOtaku, Kuko-chan, Calumongal, Magnet-Rose, Sunoko, Asteria, and Sephiroth1Ripley8 for the reviews! I lub you guys:3

And of course, a thank you for reading this!


	6. Meet Rhubee

            Yo everyone, wassup? Beginning to run out of ideas. . Makes everyone unhappy.

            Actually, my friend Suki gave me some ideas such as making a Jerry Springer type intermission with moi as the host to figure out who is Kym's mystery child's father is. OR have everyone in a bar and watch Knives become very happy, very nice, very weird, and very drunk. So, give me ideas! That'll probably stir my creative process.

            I will be introducing our newest character, a local mary-sue will have some sort of relationship to a certain man, and will also be the "fem-macho" girl with a mission of vengeance against, you guessed it, Vash the Stampede.

            So sit back and enjoy the story.

            And so, I'll introduce to you the sixth chapter of _Trigun__: The Mary-Sue_.

**Trigun****: The Mary-Sue**

Chapter Six!

            Vash always liked his mornings quiet and peaceful. After his daily exercises, he would go downstairs to the smell of freshly made coffee and newly baked donuts. This morning had been exceptionally serene; Meryl was exhausted after shooting a few bandits that tried to steal from the bank, only to have her limelight stolen when Kymbyrlee showed up fashionally late and pretty much shot the rest of the bandits with one bullet. Wolfwood had drank so much with his newly acquired solid body, he pretty much puked the afternoon and night away, and soon fell asleep in Milly's arms. Vash was expecting the dark-haired priest to wake up very, very late.

            Knives had come home, unfazed by the fact that Kymbyrlee was his ancestor from who knows when, and then fell asleep instantly because of his wounds that haven't healed. Kymbyrlee fell asleep by his side, nursing him, and singing to him in that lovely voice that tinkled like bells. Vash remembered distinctly that Meryl heard the mary-sue's singing and nearly fell down laughing because it seriously did sound like "tinkling", bells and all.

            Legato's fate was eerily similar to Wolfwood's, probably due to the author's lack of originality. Nevertheless, Legato was also asleep, probably for a very, very long time.

            Vash noticed that the coffee pot was full and steaming, and there was a new carton of doughnuts placed neatly next the pot. Vash leaned on the door frame to the kitchen and crossed his arms. His face held a small, soft smile.

            "You know," Vash quietly said, "I'm thinking we don't have enough rooms for everybody around here." Meryl just simply laughed. Vash's smile widened as he made his way over to the counter and poured himself a mug of coffee. He leaned himself against the counter, facing toward Meryl while inhaling the scent of the strong, steaming liquid in his hands. He then took out a doughnut from the carton and bit it.

            "Well, Milly is with Wolfwood in her room, then there's your room, my room," Meryl spat out the next words, "_Kym-byr-leh_ with Knives, leaving Legato."

            Vash nodded, unable to hold in his laughter. Meryl cocked her head to one side, "What?"

            Vash was could barely make out his sentence. "Legato is having a nice time sleeping with the Thomas in the front porch." Meryl's eyes widened.

            "What?!" Vash was now guffawing and holding his stomach while balancing a cup of coffee.

            "He-he doesn't know…" Vash laughed loudly and wiped a tear from his face. Meryl let out a groan and leaned back into the chair.

            "The _whole_ town is going to see a drunken _man_ sleeping _with a Thomas_."

            "They won't care. I actually heard that the bartender really likes Legato because he drank so much and paid extra on the tips," Vash knowingly said with a mouthful of doughnuts. Meryl just snorted.

            They continued to drink their coffee, and in Vash's case, eat doughnuts, in comfortable silence. It was an odd, quaint little scene and much too rare. Such things they savored when it came their way.

            But alas! The quietness of the morning fluttered away just as it fluttered into that kitchen. It was needless to say that Vash and Meryl were quite surprised when the door suddenly banged open and shook the house to its foundation.

            There, standing in the entrance, basking in the holy morning sunlight, and glowing in an ethereal luminosity, was a young girl, _ahem_, I mean lady. Her long, wavy, blue hair cascaded down her shoulders; her skin was a pale color making her look fragile, and her eyes were a piercing gold that could seriously pierce your eyes out. Gah! She had a sharp chin, a pert nose, and her bangs hung on one side, slightly covering her left eye. She wore a tight, blue, bust bearing spaghetti strap. Tied around her neck in a neat bow was a black string, and she wore a khaki jeans jacket that was a few sizes too big. Thick, tan traveling pants slung low on her curvaceous hips and stuck out where it was tucked into some very large, black, laced-up boots.

            Surprised silence came after the girl's intrusion, Meryl staring wide-eyed and Vash with his mouth gaping open. The "sapphire blue" haired girl slowly raised a dainty hand, and pointed at Vash with a manicured finger.

            _"You_," she did not whispered, but seemed to softly growl at the blonde man, "I've traveled ages in the desert-y sands of the desert, toiling endlessly underneath the sweltering sun, only to finally fulfill my revenge against the Humanoid Typhoon!" Her voice reached a shrieking crescendo as she spoke the last words of her statement.

            It was silent once again.

            In that moment of stilled silence, the girl suddenly began to become impatient. She rocked back and forth on the balls of her heels and was fiddling around with her hair. It looked like that she was waiting for some amazing response to her unprepared declaration of absolute revenge. Meryl stared at the girl, trying to figure out what was so _off_ about her. Was it because of the stunning beauty of her flowing hair? Was it because of the oddly refreshing freshness of her clothes, despite her "traveling in the desert-y sands of the desert"? Or was it because she was another embodiment of complete and total perfection?

            It then clicked in Meryl's brain. _Of course!_ The girl was another frickin' _mary__-__sue!!_

            "Can't you keep it down?!" Wolfwood barked as he swayed, walking down the steps in his crumpled clothes. Milly yawned loudly while she followed behind the priest, still clad in her pajamas. She blinked sleepily, and barely even glanced at the newest mary-sue. Wolfwood plopped himself down in a chair at the dinner table, and Milly poured two mugs of coffee for herself and Wolfwood.

            It was noticeable that the pair were obviously very ignorant of the astonishingly beautiful mary-sue standing in the entrance. It was probably due to their altered states of consciousness; Wolfwood having the most evil hangover he has ever had (since he drunk some _very_ strong stuff), and Milly had yet to be snapped out of her zombie like trance.

            The mary-sue was not used to people not staring at her, still if it was just a large insurance girl and a dark haired priest. She began to pout, even though she represented the author's version of a nazi feminist, macho mary-sue. She even began to stamp her large boots against the floor like a child throwing a tantrum. Still, Milly and Wolfwood would not look her way.

            Out of an act of desperation, the mary-sue fumbled with something at the side of her hip, and lo and behold! In her right hand, she had a sleek, black handgun pointed at Wolfwood. Meryl blinked. _Wait, is that a gun? Pointed at Wolfwood?_

            Meryl nudged Wolfwood whose head was nestled in his arms on the table. Wolfwood mumbled something incoherently. The short insurance girl sighed and nudged him harder. He mumbled something again. She finally jabbed him in the ribs, and Wolfwood's head shot up like a pistol. He was about to yell until he noticed the woman in the entrance pointing a gun. No correction, pointing a gun _at him_.

            Instead of rolling onto the floor and ducking for cover, like his reflexes were urging him to, Wolfwood walked in front of the girl, who was a few inches smaller than him, opened his mouth, and his voice came out without him knowing it.

            "What the hell is girl holding a gun? Women can't use guns, only men can." Wolfwood gave a puzzling look. He knew too well from experience that women were fully capable of using guns and wreaking havoc at the same time. He turned his head over to Vash, Meryl, and Milly, "Did I just say that?"

            Vash shrugged, Meryl didn't do anything, and Milly, she nodded her head. Wolfwood very soon noticed that the barrel of a gun was pressed much too close against his abdomen. He looked back at the girl. It appeared…that she was a little pissed. 

            Her golden eyes narrowed, and she hissed, "I'm not just a girl," Wolfwood gave out a small squeak when the mary-sue unceremoniously lifted Wolfwood up with her other arm by his collar. His feet dangled in the air, and he was at least a foot off the ground, "My name is Rhubee, the avenger!"

            Meryl just couldn't help it, she began to laugh. She sputtered, "Your name is Ruby? The avenger?!" She guffawed at the sheer stupidity at the added on title.

            The mary-sue stuck her nose up in the air, "No, it's Rhubee! R-H-U-B-E-E!" Meryl's laughter reached a whole new level.

            "Well, I'm sorry Ru-hu-bee," The dark-haired girl snickered. Rhubee dropped Wolfwood, who laid on the floor, gasping for air. She stomped her way over to the table, and pointed the gun at Vash.

            "Yes! I am Rhubee the Avenger! The fourteenth Gung-Ho Gun! And Vash the Stampede, I have come to kill you for the death of my brother, Legato Bluesummers!" Vash scratched his head. The fourteenth Gung-Ho Gun? Legato's sister? He was sure that Knives recruited only twelve. He wasn't so sure that Legato had a sister. Now, Vash was getting really confused, but hey! He thought the girl was pretty.

            "Who said my name?" a baritone voice said behind Rhubee. The mary-sue gasped, turned around, and promptly engulfed Legato into a vicious hug.

            "Brother! Brother!" Rhubee said in an overly sugary and high voice, "You're alive!" Even if Rhubee was happy with the little reunion, Legato was not. Instead, he was frantically trying to get away from the rabid mary-sue.

            "Who the hell are you? I never had a sister!" He was now desperately trying to get out of her arms.

            "What are you talking about? Has Vash brainwashed you?!! We share the same last name, Bluesummers! You're Legato Bluesummers, and I'm Rhubee Bluesummers!" the mary-sue at this point was beginning to cry. Legato was less than happy with this situation.

            Wolfwood was watching the scene with small annoyance because of his pounding headache. Milly ignored it, flipping through a newspaper. Meryl watched with much amusement. Vash…Well Vash was still a little confused.

            "My real last name isn't Bluesummers! Legato isn't even my real first name! Knives-sama named me that!" The usually cool Legato was now getting very disturbed and very scared. Rhubee loosened her hold on Legato when she stopped to think about what he said, trying to comprehend it within her mary-sue brain. Legato took this opportunity to break away from Rhubee. He rushed over to the kitchen, and hid behind the only person who physically looked similar to Knives…Vash. Legato whimpered behind the tall man, trying his best not to be seen by Rhubee.

            "Wait…I was named Rhubee by my parents, and their last name was Bluesummers. Legato was my brother. I joined Knives when I was fifteen…" Rhubee was still trying to sort out the disjointed facts.

            The others were beginning to go back to the regular cycle of a morning. Wolfwood drank his coffee, Milly was reading the newspaper while getting some pudding, Meryl began chomping on a doughnut, and Vash poured another mug while Legato continued to cower behind him.

            The mary-sue was still standing in front of the table, mumbling to herself. Everything went on peachy keen until Kymbyrlee showed up on the stairs.

            Rhubee, with her keen mary-sue senses, picked up Kymbyrlee's presence. She looked up and down Kym, appraising her worth. Kym, on the other hand, just smiled at Rhubee, and walked down to the table, seating herself next to Wolfwood.

            "My love, Knives, is still sleeping. He was exhausted from yesterday!" Meryl nodded her head, Wolfwood grunted, Milly chirped "okay!", and Vash didn't hear because he was too preoccupied trying to get Legato to stop hiding.

            "Your love? _Your love?!!!!_ Knives is my lover! I slept with him when I was fifteen!" Rhubee sneered at Kym. Everyone stopped to watch the growing drama between Rhubee and Kym.

            Kymbyrlee retaliated, "Who took care of Knives? I did! Who does he love? Me! Me me me me me!" She huffed and flipped her hair with a "hmph". She put doughnuts on a plate, poured orange juice in a cup, and with perfect balance, went upstairs to give breakfast to Knives.

            Rhubee let out screech and was soon, hotly on Kymbyrlee's heels.

            The group downstairs looked upwards, forgetting about their morning rituals, when a door slammed, stomping shook the ceiling, high screams were heard, and what sounded like glass hitting the floor. The chaos continued, and after a minute, the group ignored the noises and went back to their activities.

            Meryl leaned back into her chair while she ate her glazed doughnut. Milly was licking pudding off of her spoon. Wolfwood was flipping through the newspaper. Vash sat down next to Meryl and Wolfwood, helping himself to another doughnut.

            And Legato was nowhere in sight…

TBC

A/N: Enjoy?

A big thank you to everyone who reviewed, despite my lack of updates. Each and everyone review really make my day, even if they're evil.

And of course, a thank you for reading!


	7. Showdown of the Marysues

Usual disclaimer applies (blah blah).

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

liek, cahptre 7!11

Knives smiled. I mean, two girls, especially mary-sues, fighting over him! Oh, he could just be in heaven.

Kymbyrlee, our original mary-sue from the planet, "Earth", who also represents the species known as O_bsesseus Fangirlius_, a.k.a., the Obsessed Fangirl, was wearing high-heeled boots, an expensive Bebe® tube-top, and a jeans mini-skirt. Her hair was a luminous blonde. Yet ever since, Rhubee (_Legatous Madeupsisterius _a.k.a. Legato's made-up sister) came into the room, gradually from the roots and on, her hair began to turn into a flaming crimson color with amazing volume. (Not that she didn't have limp, stringy hair first, oh whatever.)

Knives sighed some more, cuddling into his warm blanket knitted especially by Kym. He looked over at his teddy bear, an adorable brown bear with purple devilish wings sticking out from its back. It was his absolute favorite bear that was given to him by Rhubee.

Of course, he was so intoxicated by the poisonous fumes (perhaps pheromones?) of the mary-sues, that he himself could not comprehend what he was even _thinking_. I guess his strong held belief of saving butterflies and killing all spiders just left him because Kymbyrlee convinced him so warmly, that his grip buttered and he became a total pacifist. Yet, if Knives were in his sane mind, he wouldn't call Kym and Rhubee spiders, heck, he wouldn't even call them butterflies. I think he would say they were more like mosquitoes.

"How dare you!" Rhubee shrieked, her golden eyes glowing eerily with hatred.

"What are you talking about?" Kymbyrlee held a spoon full of soup up to Knives's lips with a bowl of steaming chicken noodle soup in her lap that surprisingly enough, did not fall.

"You aren't allowed to even be in the _presence_ of _my _Knives-sama!" hissed Rhubee, her hand grasping a rather pointy and shiny knife. She was twirling it around dangerously and expertly, as if she had been training for years (which of course goes along with the facts that she was also an expert gunswoman, black belt karate/martial arts master, plant technician, and had some mad tango skills).

Kymbyrlee, on the other hand, took out a random….microphone! Oh yes readers, this is the place where the mary-sue gets to sing a corny pop-like song that is supposed to be about her love for Knives. Kymbyrlee began to sway sensually, her too perfect hips with no cottage cheese thighs moved as her rosy/ruby colored lips began to sing:

_Baby boy you stay on my mind_

_Fulfill my fantasies_

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams!_

The blonde mary-sue began to start showing off her crazy dance moves as she shimmied up and down where Knives was laying in bed. Most would think that Knives would be screaming bloody murder and holding his ears in order not to go deaf, but instead, the usually psychotic plant was bobbing his head to the beat of the song. Kym continued to dance, despite the restrictions of her rather constraining clothes.

Rhubee was seriously pissed.

Since almost all mary-sues are given the capability to sing _extremely_ well and are allowed to break out in song whenever they want, Rhubee herself was not limited in vocal talents. Yet instead of singing corny, mainstream, pop-like songs, which is usually sung by the obsessed fangirl mary-sue, she instead gets to sing cheesy Japanese songs which are either opening or ending themes to a very popular anime. For instance, how about Inuyasha? Maybe a little Do As Infinity? You got it!

Rhubee then slammed Kym against the wall as she was in the middle of a break dance move. Not that it could hurt or anything. The golden-eyed mary-sue popped out her own microphone and began to sing melodiously, like any mary-sue would.

_Fukai fukai mori no oku ni ima mo kitto_

_Okizari ni shita kokoro kakushite'ru yo_

_Sagasu hodo no chikara mo naku tsukarehateta_

_Hitobito wa eien no yami ni kieru_

Most English readers do not understand Japanese, so in order to understand what Rhubee was singing, they would go and search the lyrics and its translation. Yet Knives, was fluent in over 20 languages, one of them being Japanese. He again was bobbing his head to the beat of the song and also was humming along with it.

Kymbyrlee was on the other side of the room; her hair had been tousled a little bit, but she still looked terrific. The wrath of a mary-sue was not to be looked lightly upon, because they can usually end the canon world. Kym tightly grabbed her mic, and then furiously stomped her way to Rhubee. She began to sing loudly, trying her best to overlap the other mary-sue's singing. Rhubee obviously noticed this, and she began to sing even louder, her angry, malicious eyes looking down on Kym who stared back with the same intensity. So there it was, a showdown with a hurricane of confounded lyrics.

_Chisai mama nara Baby boy not a day goes byKitto Ima demo mieta ka na WITHOUT MY FANTASIES BOKU-TACHI WA I THINK ABOUT IKIRU HONDO NI! YOU ALL THE TIME!_

Pitiable Knives was in the middle of the mess. After the singing began to turn into yells then horrid shrieks then fragile things began to fly everywhere around the room, Knives hid under his covers, clutching onto his teddy bear like a little child.

Poor, _poor_ Knives.

After the…erm….situation settled down, Vash had a sudden idea due to the fact that the author needed another plot convenience.

"Hey…hey Meryl," Vash began poking the petite woman, "let's go to a karaoke bar!" Meryl looked at Vash for a few seconds, and then went back to sipping coffee.

"No."

"Well, you don't have any work today, soooo…" Vash let his sentence linger.

"No means no." Meryl remembered the last time Vash went to a karaoke bar. The broom-haired man was drunk and _singing_. Definitely not a good combination.

"OMG! YEAH! LET'S GO TO A KARAOKE BAR!"

Meryl cringed involuntarily when she slowly turned around. There stood Kymbyrlee jumping up and down, Rhubee who was also as excited just in a sort of aloof kind of way, and Knives. The two mary-sues were dressed impeccably. Kymbyrlee had her hair in a huge mass of blonde curls which was clipped up in the back and was wearing a sequin-y, neon pink halter top which showed off quite a bit of cleavage and quite a bit of midriff, a pair of tight, black vinyl bell-bottom pants, a diamond studded choker and earrings to match, and a pair of bright pink platform sandals. Rhubee had her hair crimped (!), and was wearing a long, beaded, golden tube-top, a short khaki skirt, and she had her usual black string around her neck and was also wearing her black traveling boots. They wore several accessories which should not be taken into detail because it just takes too much time and nobody cares.

Knives was not dressed to kill. Even though he was a plant of superior abilities, he could not make clothes appear out of thin air. He wore a plain white button up shirt, a pair of khaki jeans, and some boots. All of these clothes he had found from his brother's wardrobe. He actually looked quite handsome in casual clothes.

Meryl shook her head in disapproval, "If we let these three out, I'm afraid they're going to blow up the whole town. That, or either blind them all from the sparkles of the mary-sues."

Vash sighed, "Insurance girl, we haven't gone out since I've came back. Besides, Milly might be willing to stay home and watch over Wolfwood. Please?" Vash flashed her one of his warm smiles. Meryl's resolve melted instantly.

"Fine! We'll go out after we get dressed, and after when I check up on Milly and Priest-san," Meryl rubbed her temples. Too much stress in such little time. Just as she got up from the table, Vash grabbed her hand.

"Thanks Meryl." He gave her hand a small squeeze and smiled reassuringly.

Meryl nodded shyly, and then walked up the stairs. In several minutes after Vash finished up the last donuts, he followed the same suite as Meryl.

Another several minutes followed in awkward silence between Knives, Kymbyrlee, and Rhubee. Most scenes like these are often cut out from stories.

The front door creaked open slightly, and in walked a filthy, hungover Legato. His eyes were bloodshot, and he hunched over while he slowly tried to walk to the kitchen.

"Ugh, I smell like a Thomas," Legato murmured to himself. He sighed, knowing that he was no longer a man who invoked fear into the minds of useless humans, but rather a man of lost dignity after drinking a little too much.

Legato's mind must have been wandering because he never noticed the presence of three other people in the kitchen. A shrill squeal then a sudden _WHUMP _came when Legato was tackled by the none other Rhubee Bluesummers.

"Ohbrotherwherehaveyoubeen? Iabsolutelyloveyousomuch! Wegettogotoakaraokebar…" Rhubee rapidly said like a cheerleader on crack (no offense to cheerleaders). Legato felt like he was going to faint from all of the nonsensical chattering.

Knives stood over the fallen Legato and the mary-sue who clung onto him like a barnacle and would not shut up. In a sadistic, Knives-like way, the plant found the scene entertaining. He was amused at the pain and the look of pale, sheer horror on Legato's face. It seemed like Knives briefly returned to his old self.

Key word: briefly.

Then Knives went back to being totally enraptured by Kymbyrlee who was busily fixing a non-existent make-up problem on her face while holding a compact mirror. Legato weakly struggled against the iron-clad hold of Rhubee. He began to wail for help.

Oh dear god. He did not want to go to a karaoke bar.

With Rhubee of all people.

Meryl and Vash came downstairs dressed in their usual attire. Meryl paid no heed to Legato's dire need of assistance, and Vash just gave a weird glance then followed Meryl.

Rhubee got up, and dragged Legato with her, screaming, "Can Legato come too!"

Vash looked at Meryl, who shrugged, then replied.

"Sure."

Whatever blood was left in Legato's face drained out completely. He turned from pale to an absolute ghostly white. Legato began to whimper and beg to his former master as he was hauled out the front door.

"Please Knives-sama, help me, help me, help me…"

Despite Legato's out of character-ness, Knives just simply smiled cruelly, enjoying the torture show.

"I didn't know you were such a weak spider Legato."

And with that, he walked past Legato and Rhubee, holding back an evil laugh.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Okay, so I have risen from the dead. School is horrendous, and I should be studying right now. I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be out. Sorry!

A GARGANTUAN thank you to all who reviewed. I'm reading every single one over again.

Oh yes, "Baby Boy" and "Fukai Mori" do not belong to me. Blah blah.

Thanks for reading!


	8. Karaoke Bar Pt 1

Yay. It's summer:3 Beware of long physical descriptions. Usual disclaimers.

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

Chaaaaaapter 8!

The truth is: Meryl really didn't know what a karaoke bar was. She had simply never been to one. Sure, they had karaoke at one of the local bars, but that didn't necessarily mean it was _just_ purely a bar for _just_ karaoke. So, she had expected the karaoke bar to be just like one of the regular bars that you could find anywhere on Gunsmoke.

But when they had reached the "karaoke bar", there was no saloon-styled atmosphere that Meryl and everybody else native to Gunsmoke were accustomed to.

"Er. Sempai. Wha-?"

"Milly? I thought you were going stay at home to watch over Wolfwood,"

"Oh, it was unusual. He was in this daze and said he wanted to go to a karaoke bar, so I followed him here," Milly smiled innocently, "is this really a karaoke bar Sempai?"

Meryl took another look around.

Plush carpets littered the floor while strobe lights danced wildly around the room. The thrum of a loud bass line shook the room. All over the walls were posh designs, and the furniture followed the same plan. There was a stage off to the side, fully ornamented in sparkling colors and lights. On it stood some people singing their hearts out into a few microphones. Even more people were in front of the stage, dancing crazily and jumping up and down to the beat. Everyone was dressed in their hottest apparel: girls with bright lipstick and glittered hair, men with clinking bracelets and deep collared shirts. The bar was on the other side, still filled with more people, and was covered with classy and hip glasses and bottles of liquor.

"_What_ in god's name am I wearing!" Meryl looked over to her side. Her eyes widened tenfold as her jaw slackened.

Stood before her were four very drool-worthy men.

Vash cringed uncomfortably. His usual clothes of black buckles and a red coat that he originally had when he walked out of the house were no where in sight.  
He tugged at a black leather choker that was around his neck, and shifted uneasily. His hair was no longer gravity defying since it was deemed "uncool" in terms of fashion by the mary-sues. Instead, it looked unkempt, eerily similar to what his hair was like in the mornings. He wore a collared, sleeveless red shirt. On his real arm was a long red sleeve that wasn't attached to his shirt (oddly enough) and a leather band (a match to his choker) was around his wrist. His prosthetic arm, on the other hand, had been left untouched, completely black and wrapped.

Now, Vash knew that he had only one ear piercing. When he tugged at his ear, he noticed a few…hoops and nubs protruding from his right ear.

Ooooh-kaaay. This was getting to be a little creepy. How was this possible?

He then noticed several rings adorned the fingers on his real hand. Vash continued to look at his outfit that had "magically" appeared on him. (And of course, we all know who did these "magical" makeovers.) He wore a pair of faded, vintage jeans with a few small holes here and there, and to top it all off, his feet were snugly set in a pair of black thong sandals.

Damn, those mary-sues had a thing for detail didn't they?

Vash's homicidal, maniacal brother was also dressed as nicely. Knives's hair had apparently been gelled down and bangs covered his forehead. He wore a pair of light wired and somewhat translucent sunglasses. He also wore a dark blue blazer and underneath it was a simple silver collared, button-up shirt where only the middle buttons of the shirt were _actually_ buttoned. Since he didn't wear an undershirt, his chest was in plain sight (it went deep…deep) and a large portion of his abdomen was seen by many of the people at the "karaoke bar". Dark jeans that flared slightly loosely hung on his hips, and a large amount of various belts of various colors and tones were his only accessories (except for some random pinky ring that was on his, well, left pinky). And, on his feet were a pair of black boots that were partially hidden by the jeans.

Knives was glad that at least, he didn't look as flashy as his brother.

Wolfwood was cursing at his misfortunes. He felt amazingly goofy, wearing just a jeans and suede vest that buckled all the way up his neck for a top. It was a little too tight for his tastes. A long-chained cross fell from his covered neck, and was sadly, not the only accessory. The prettied-up priest scratched the back of his head with a fingerless- gloved hand. Luckily, his hair hadn't been all that mussed up. But then he noticed something sparkly on his fingers after he had brushed his hair a little.

Wha-..wait.

Was there _glitter_ in his hair?

Wolfwood shook his head slightly. Small iridescent pieces fell from his hair.

Yes Nicholas D. Wolfwood, you idiot, there is glitter _in your hair_.

He winced in annoyance while he wiped his hands on the beige corduroy pants that he was wearing. His wrists clinked because of the random bracelets and bands of material that annoyed him even more. His feet felt heavy because he was wearing a pair of dark leather shoes with a zipper that had some astonishingly heavy (and might I add tall) heels. On it were etched small flowers, vines, and leaves. Definitely not his taste.

Then came along Legato. Ah, Legato.

Not only was he decked out in spiffy clothes, he was also decked out in _cosmetics_. Black eyeliner was smeared across his eyelids, "accentuating" the golden color of his eyes. On his cheekbones were the tiniest hints of shine, glitter and blush, and lip gloss had also been added. Legato ran his tongue over his upper lip; it was a foreign feeling. He could get used to it.

His hair in the front was the same, but in the back, his hair was gelled so random spikes would come out. He wore a white, open shoulder tunic, made of simple cotton that had designs with beads and embroidery. The long sleeves flared out at the end, and strings came out from it. A huge piece of metal was strung on a thick, hemp cord and decorated his neck. He wore a pair of rather tight, murky brown pants that also flared out at the ends. Worn bronze discs were strung around his hips, and was tied off neatly with the strings dangling. He would have preferred some boots, but instead, was left with a pair of earthy sandals. He had huge metal bracelets and numerous, bulky rings on his fingers, and then he noticed…that his fingernails were painted with a blue-like color. He stared at them for a while, trying to comprehend it.

And…he continued staring.

After looking closely at each of them, Meryl took a quick glance at her own clothes. Nope, nothing had been changed. She was still wearing her cape, blouse, and skirt that she had left the house with. She took a glance at Milly. Nope, she was wearing the same clothes she was wearing back at the house.

She felt out of place since her clothes were not conforming to the impression of the "karaoke bar". But she realized that her clothes conformed to the harsh and arid environment of Gunsmoke. It was this "karaoke bar" that didn't conform. It was just so _bizarre_ and _incompatible_. It made no sense how a place of that style was around here.

"This is all the mary-sues' fault, isn't it?"

"Hmm?" Meryl hadn't quite heard her.

"I said Sempai, this is all the mary-sues' fault, right? It sure seems like it," Milly inquired.

"Ah," a simple agreement.

It was probably the mary-sues.

Then came sauntering in were Kymbyrlee and Rhubee. By this time, Meryl and Milly were not surprised that the mary-sues had also changed out of their previous attire.

Kym was dressed in a slinky, black catsuit with a low cut, halter-top, and a zipper in front. Its vinyl material shined brilliantly, bringing attention to her from all ends of the karaoke bar. She wore a pair of black six inch heeled, 2 inch platform sandals with huge buckles. Her nails were polished with a perfect red that matched her huge, pouty lips. Hair, perfect. Make-up, perfect. Kymbyrlee herself, perfect. It was getting repetitive.

Rhubee on the other hand, wore a tiny blue tube top that was festooned with mass amounts of glitter, beads, and other origins of shininess. Her trademark black string was tied around her neck along with an assortment of silver necklaces. Her firm and flat stomach had a belly-button piercing. She had a matching mini-mini skirt of the same color as her top. She wore a large amount of silver bracelets that went up midway on her forearm. Her hair was tied back and fluffed out to huge proportions. Large silver hoop earrings dangled, and a pair of long silver go-go boots with crisscrossing strings on the sides went up her legs.

And what does everyone learn from these freakishly long physical descriptions?

That the author is too lazy to put more detail in with the mary-sues! Come on, five people? There was enough difficulty with just Vash alone.

Rhubee and Kym began to pose for many of the males that were at the bar. They stuck out their chins, their chests, and their hips and pursed their lips. They were beautiful, and they knew it.

But what Meryl observed was that many of the males there _knew_ it also. Many of the females seemed to know, but they were more aggressive than attracted. Soon, many guys began to make their way towards the two mary-sues who were rapidly becoming the center of attention.

"Ow! Excuse me!" Meryl was harshly bumped into by several passing men who were bedazzled by the two mary-sues. The petite woman then felt a hand on her arm, and was dragged away from the onslaught of swarming men to a secluded corner.

After she regained her composure, Meryl looked up and saw Vash behind her with his hand still on her arm. She couldn't help, but to note that he was _extremely_ handsome.

"Oh, sorry!" Vash promptly let go of Meryl's arm, "I just saw you getting swept away so I thought you would need some help,"

Meryl smiled, "Thanks. Have you seen Milly?"

Vash looked around for a moment, "No, but Wolfwood probably got to her. Don't worry," Meryl nodded, it's not like Milly was incompetent.

"I was just gonna sa—what's the matter?" Meryl turned around with her hands barely touching Vash, who was awkwardly talking slow steps. His face showed that he perturbed. That something was confusing him.

"I don't know, something-something's making me want to go over there," Vash pointed a shaky finger to where a large crowd of men were, to where Rhubee and Kymbyrlee were.

"What?"

"I don't want to go, but I kind of want to. Argh, I know this makes no sense, but something's making me want to go there," Vash was obviously perplexed.

"But you don't," Meryl finished for him.

"Right," he said as he continued to slowly walk towards the mary-sues. His eyes began to glaze over, "right, she's so beautiful. So is she," he said breathlessly.

She? Vash's behavior made it seem like he was under a spell. Meryl dawned upon the realization, of course! It was the mary-sues! But then again, it was always the mary-sues. She sighed, and then plopped herself down on a cushy couch. There was no helping Vash. She'd just have to wait until the mary-sues died.

Meryl had already thought of several ways to kill the two perfect beings, bullet-riddled or otherwise. Yet, she came to the conclusion that the mary-sues won't die by a mere mortal. Maybe, just maybe, a superhuman being had the capabilities to kill a mary-sue. Perhaps Vash…

"All right everybody! We have a newcomer singer, her name is Rhubee Bluesummers! C'mon, let's all welcome her!" an enthusiastic host on the stage grinned amiably as he introduced Rhubee who was standing next to him, shyly and cutely waving to all of the people who were on the dance floor. Instantly, they were cheering and raving for her like there was no tomorrow.

The microphone was handed to Rhubee, "I'd like to dedicate this song to my beloved brother, Legato."

Many of the people were moved by such a sweet gesture, all of them "awe"-ing and exclaiming how they would like to have an adorable sister like her. Legato, in contrast, was at the bar drinking and cursing siblings, family relatives, dogs, cats, mere mortals, annoying blue-haired mary-sues, and everything else under the sky so blue.

The intro to a pop song began to play with an electric guitar riff. It was time for Rhubee to _shine_!

_You can change your life - if you wanna_

_You can change your clothes - if you wanna_

_If you change your mind_

_Well, that's the way it goes_

Heads began to bob, people began to sway to the beat, and there was all around dancing going on. Rhubee beamed as she sung her heart out, everything looking like it was directly coming from a very cheesy chick flick that involved finding oneself and being true to your talents.

_But I'm gonna keep your jeans_

_And your old black hat - cause I wanna_

_They look good on me_

_You're never gonna get them back_

Wolfwood couldn't quite understand exactly how the lyrics were connected to Rhubee, Legato, themselves, or anything even remotely in their lives. It was a catchy tune though, he thought while he moved his head a little to the beat. He leaned back against the bar's countertop, took a small sip from his drink, and casually draped his arm over Milly's shoulder. He whispered something into her ear, and in return, she laughed. The two were enjoying themselves.

_At least not today, not today, not today_

_'cause_

_If it's over, let it go and_

_Come tomorrow it will seem_

_So yesterday, so yesterday_

_I'm just a bird that's already flown away_

Knives was in the crowd, screaming at the top of his lungs like a fangirl, "I LOVE YOU RHUBEE!" He jumped up and down earnestly, trying to get her attention. Rhubee walked around the stage as she sang with a voice that rivaled Kelly Clarkson's, dancing to her words.

_Laugh it off let it go and_

_When you wake up it will seem_

_So yesterday, so yesterday_

_Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay_

Kymbyrlee was waiting for her turn to karaoke, and while she was waiting, she was languorously laying on a couch, being fed hors d'oeuvres, getting her nails filed, looking at herself in a mirror, and telling a sad and angst-filled story about her past while a group of men huddled around her, listening to her every sugary word. She had originally been cuddling with Vash (partly against his own will), but became bored after some time. She then diverted her concentration onto a cluster of men who were much more than just good looking. Once being ignored, Vash walked away, the effect of the mary-sue had worn off yet again. He already tried to attain Kym's focus though. However he was actually a little _relieved_ that he no longer had to amuse the mary-sue. He went in search of Meryl.

_You can say you're bored - if you wanna_

_You can act real tough - if you wanna_

_You can say you're torn_

_But I've heard enough_

Legato was still drinking away. His words were becoming slurred, complaining about how his made-up sister slept with his master, killed the dog, and ate all of the thomas' food, and his vision was becoming blurred, unable to tell if the person next to him was a dead-drop gorgeous woman, a broom, or a llama.

He raised a shot glass in a toast.

"Here'sh to Gunshmoke and itsh—goddamned mortal weirdoshesh. Cheersh."

_Thank you... you made my mind up for me_

_When you started to ignore me_

_Do you see a single tear_

_It isn't gonna happen here_

_At least not today, not today, not today_

_'cause_

"Hey,"

Meryl looked up from the couch she was lounging in. There stood Vash the Stampede. His hand was raised in a greeting, and he sheepishly smiled.

_If it's over, let it go and_

_Come tomorrow it will seem_

_So yesterday, so yesterday_

_I'm just a bird that's already flown away_

"Hey. Come here, take a seat," Meryl scooted over to leave room for the man. He gratefully sat down and sunk down into the couch.

"Who ever knew such a place existed. I've never really ever seen a place like this, even in the databases," Vash casually glanced around the room, his fingers tapping lightly on the couch's metal arm. Meryl chuckled lightly.

"I never knew you were able to dress like that also," Vash blushed.

"This-I didn't do this," he pointed to himself, "it's kinda nice. A little too uneconomical though," he began to play with a ring on his index finger.

"Well, this whole situation, with Rhubee and Kymbyrlee, I wonder how long it's going to stay around. It's been crazy and catastrophic," Meryl sighed.

"I dunno. It's kinda been fun with them around. A little weird, but fun," Vash nonchalantly twirled his fingers around in Meryl's dark hair, playing with the tendrils.

He softly added, "They'll leave when it's time. You should stop worrying, have fun while you're at it,"

Meryl bashfully smiled, "I am having fun,"

"That's good."

Meryl and Vash watched Rhubee sing, Knives make a total fool of himself, Kym be pampered, Legato drink his qualms away, and Wolfwood and Milly simply relaxing. Nevertheless, like an annoying little voice in the back of their heads, she wondered just how much longer their relationship would stay like this while he wondered just how much longer she would stay with him.

But no worries, right?

_Laugh it off let it go and_

_When you wake up it will seem_

_So yesterday, so yesterday_

_Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay_

**To be continued.**

A/N: I know many of you have been pleading for the mary-sues to go die one way or another. I was thinking either lightening bolt or perhaps some huge car smashing them. They'll die…soon. But, the next chapter will be focused more on the rest of the time in the "karaoke bar".

I can't be sure when the next chapter will be out, but since it's summer, there might be a small chance that it'll be out soon. Sorry! I'm a high school student with a lot of academic priorities and it's been quite quite busy. I hope this extra long chapter will suffice.

Thaaaaank you soooooooooooo much for all of the reviews, even months after I posted up the latest chapter. I'm surprised this story is so popular. You guys are truly the best. I'm really really really REALLY glad that you guys enjoy it that much.

And thank you for reading. :)


	9. Karaoke Bar Pt 2

The story is nearing its end. Yet first, we need to go onto the next stage of mary-sueness, the huge "the-world-is-about-to-blow-up" part and then the DYING part. (The story has been so random, in case you haven't noticed, I guess I should add in some sort of plot…er…despite being so late in the story.)

Usual disclaimers apply. By the way, I noticed some of you could tell the song Rhubee was singing was Hilary Duff's "Yesterday". Cheeeesy pop song.

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

Chapter….gasp! NINE!111

Once upon a time in a world called Gunsmoke that was filled with wild wild west action plus sci-fi suspense, lived a man named Vash the Stampede, the humanoid typhoon.

Through trials and adventures seen in the anime Trigun (which we should all know of), we were left with Vash living rather peacefully with his friends Meryl and Milly along with his comatose homicidal twin brother, Knives.

But regrettably, this peace would not stay for long because an author's annoyance for the overwhelming number of mary-sues and a mind full of spontaneity and pure randomness, came along a mary-sue parody with writing that was choppy and a plot that was almost non-existent. The original characters were, of course sub par, mainly because they were…well…mary-sues.

So then on one day, BAM, out of the sky dropped a mary-sue by the name of Kymbyrlee. Spell it with me. K-Y-M-B-Y-R-L-E-E. Original isn't it? She was hawt. Everybody loved her. Except for the readers.

Vash had been traveling in the direction that she had plopped herself from Earth to Gunsmoke, and he instantly fell in love with her. He brought her home, Knives woke up, and _he_ fell in love with her. Then he turned his ways into becoming a human-loving pacifist.

Oh, and yes. Legato and Wolfwood came back to life. Whoot. They also fell in love with Kymbyrlee.

Yet, amidst the entire amorous atmosphere, Meryl and Milly hadn't been too much affected by the mary-sue's powers. Luckily for the readers and author, they were the sane of mind that kept some kind of continuity in throughout the tale.

So then the author thought it would be a little crazier if _another_ mary-sue was added into the entire story. Along comes Rhubee, Legato's long lost sister that doesn't even exist. She's your stereotypical fem-nazi, emotionless mary-sue that is actually a lonely little girl underneath it all. She loves her master Knives, and she has a rather obsessive fascination with her brother. Hmm.

More insanity and pandemonium ensues, Legato cries, lots of out of character actions spout about, and we all pretty much mildly dislike mary-sues. (I can't use the word hate, it has such a strong connotation!)

What other plot twist could possibly happen now (without the plot)?

Whaaaat if….the mary-sues were just barely scratching the surface of their powers?

Now, that's quite a big problem.

"Vaaaash honey, let's go somewhere and make-out," Kymbyrlee seductively wrapped her arms around the sitting man as she stood.

Meryl and Vash had been talking about how they were going to support the mixed family that was living under their roof financially. It was surprising that Vash hadn't gone skirt chasing or wasn't completely wasted.

"You whore, I'm going to disappear after I insult you because I'm a PMS-y bitch with no character, and jealous of your assets," Meryl raised her eyebrows in curiousity. Interesting, she had never known that mary-sues could be able to manipulate them like that. Vash stared at her obvious out of character statement, while at the same time ignoring Kym.

Kymbyrlee had never EVER been ignored in her entire, superficial life. It was the most common reaction at the time to become angry.

And she did.

Her eyes gleamed slightly as she gave a small flicker of her hand. Meryl began to fade.

"What's happening to me!" Meryl frantically looked around her body as parts of her were gone while others were transparent.

Kymbyrlee smiled sweetly, "Oh, I'm just putting you back home where you belong because you're really annoying. I should also do it with Milly, she's a _really_ stupid person," and with that, Meryl had entirely gone away. Poof, just like that. Vash could hear a some feet away Wolfwood's frantic yell of surprise.

"GAH! Millywhereyago!"

So after the disappearance of two sorely abused canon characters, Kymbyrlee was able to snag the man that was hypothetically her descendent. So comes the forbidden love affair. Ooo, incestuous!

Just as Kymbyrlee was on the verge of locking lips with Vash, she had just noticed that Rhubee, her fellow mary-sue slash rival, had finished her karaoke song and was being overly attentive of the drunk Legato. Oh joy, it was her turn to sing. She led Vash up to the stage, then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and a wink before she went up. Vash stood there stupefied, falling in love all over again. It was obvious that Kym had tapped into some unused mary-sue powers. The lanky man began to daydream about him and Kym, and all the little Vashies that would be running around in the yard. He had forgotten the fact that Kymbyrlee was his whatever great grandmother, but when he does, he'll probably go into a depression over the fact that it was an illicit love. Like always.

Wolfwood, who was now all alone because Milly had suddenly vanished, was having a little difficulty finding a way to entertain himself. Rhubee began drifting away from Legato, who had passed out from drinking a little too much liquor. Wolfwood ordered a drink then gulped it down. He cringed a little from the bitterness of the alcohol, and then took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth then lit it with his lighter that surprisingly enough, he found in his pants' back pocket. He languidly leaned back, ran his hand through his glitter-infested hair, and looked around his posh surroundings. His presence oozed of boredom.

Rhubee saw the priest and felt that time had frozen. What most people saw was a uninterested dark-haired man (which was true), but what Rhubee saw was a tragic soul that was trying to hide away from society, a sad bishounen who sought refuge in the wrong places, and what he needed was a special, _perfect_ person's love because love and only love was the one single solution to all of humanity's problems. It invoked a sense of pity into the blue-haired mary-sue that instantly blossomed into, you guessed it, love. It was love, even though Wolfwood had said some nasty things to her (which was her fault in order to boost her feminist image), even though she swore to love and serve Knives for the rest of her life, and even though she had some weird fixation on Legato that border-lined stalker. She made her way through the various bodies to Wolfwood.

Cue in slow, sappy song about love. Ironically, Kymbyrlee began singing. It was Dolly Parton's (yes, Dolly Parton) "I Will Always Love You", which unusually, isn't that bad of a song. Noticing that a mary-sue wasn't really worthy enough to sing it, the author decided to change the song into something more mainstream, perhaps…Ashlee Simpson's Pieces of Me? Kymbyrlee had requested for it tone down on its electrical guitar parts and slowed it down. Slow, sappy, mainstream/not-so-great music from pop idol equals mary-sue goodness.

A deep, sultry voice quieted the karaoke bar into a silenced hush. Vash literally had hearts as eyes, his own heart beating loudly and quickly. It was because he was in looooove (note chapter 1). It was during this perfect moment of unabashed, yet mushy semi-love scene that the author wondered if the walls of the club fell down, Kymbyrlee was killed by a rampage of lemmings, and Rhubee was killed by a grand piano that dropped out of nowhere from the sky, then the Trigun went back to their normal lives (and the dead ones still lived with good lives), and they were all happily ever after. But enough of that schpeal, what kind of person would I be, depriving my readers of two of the most horrid mary-sues of all time?

It happened at that moment that Rhubee decided to execute her plan "Seduce Wolfwood". She whipped out her handy-dandy compact mirror from nowhere (seeing how she never carried some sort of purse with her and that her curve tight clothes barely had any room), and puckered her lips with a steamy look on her face. Her lips, perfect, her face, perfect, body? Perfect. And don't forget the sex appeal that truly did not exist in a way, perfect. Rhubee had come out of her stoic femnazi shell and was ready to catch herself a man.

Wolfwood, on the other hand, was definitely not in a mood for any sort of woman. He had forgotten how hard and how much energy it took just to _be alive_. He downed another scotch on the rocks. One thing he did indeed miss was the beauty of alcohol. Oh beautiful alcohol, he could've written a song about it. Oh, and he loved his smokes. He could've written yet another song. God, he was bored.

Rhubee continued to slink her way to Wolfwood, a smoldering look in golden eyes that could melt even the coldest of men. It wasn't because she actually had some skill to look sexy, but rather, it was an innate ability that all mary-sues some how had (even without knowing it). She sat down slowly in the chair next to Wolfwood, letting the already miniscule skirt ride up to show more of her creamy pale thighs that any supermodel would die for.

"Why hello handsome," purred Rhubee. Her fingers began to caress Wolfwood's bare shoulders.

And in Wolfwood's mind went a _click!_ Because once he had heard that voice, Nicholas D. Wolfwood had instantly (if not illogically) fallen.

Fallen head over heals with the very same girl that had beaten him up earlier.

Talk about irony.

Yet rather than turning into a slobbering, brainwashed puppy like Vash and Knives, Wolfwood was going to be smooth. He would have finesse. He was going to _flirt_.

And this is where everybody gasps in horror.

Meanwhile, Knives had lost himself in the crowd of bodies that moved to a pumping bass line that supported the techno dance music, which came after Kymbyrlee's solo was much applauded. He shimmied, thrusted, and got his freak on while two other scantily-clad ladies sandwiched him, shaking their boo-tays to his body. It was then that Knives made a revelation. He was going to stay a bachelor all of his life.

Knives, in his own odd thinking, had unconsciously removed himself from the mary-sues equations of seduction, lurve, and overall…mary-sue-ness.

Legato was not far off from his master (or ex-master?), he was seated at a couch that was adjoined with what seemed like a quasi-coffee table with a modern design. Luckily for him, he was not alone. In circle and seated in other couches and chairs, his drunken buddies were slurring jokes and epiphanies about life regarding muffins and pens. They guffawed like idiots.

"Ya'know buddy," Legato said to the blurry person next to him, "I never evah get that whooole spider nonshensh. Imean, whattheeff does it really realleh REALLEH mean?" He snorted when he laughed, "You're shuch a greeeeeeat pershon to talk to. I-I think you're wonderfuuuu—l," he giggled. Legato apparently had a little too much.Little did Legato know, his arm was draped over what he thought was his "buddy", which in reality, was a mop the janitor had left.

Legato was having the time of his life.

Wolfwood was smirking, his voice oozed of infatuation and skills of a pro with girls.

"So, what are you doing all alone beautiful? Do you need some company?"

Rhubee giggled (rather obnoxiously, but she didn't know it), "Well, all of the men at this karaoke bar aren't exactly, well. Up there," she said with a cutesy tone, and let her tongue sweep over her lips.

Wolfwood swallowed.

"Can I buy you a drink then?"

"Of course. You could never leave a sexy, unguarded girl like me alone now could you? You're definitely climbing 'up there'" Rhubee rolled her shoulders, winking at Wolfwood.

"Bartender, gimme a beer this time and what will it be for the pretty lady?" Wolfwood smiled flirtatiously.

"A daisy made with whatever suits your tastes," she said as she smiled her enchantingly pearly whites.

The bartender was unusually slim and attractive, compared the norm which were big and burly, said, "Sure thing, I'll have it right up,"

They continued their banter until their drinks were served. Wolfwood turned around to watch the dj , the swirling lights, and Vash pampering and serving Kymberlee dutifully while he enjoyed his beer. The thought that Milly ever existed must've slipped his mind.

_SLAM_. The sound of glass slammed against the counter made Wolfwood jump out of his seat, his head turning to the sound.

Taking advantage of the noise, Rhubee mercilessly attacked Wolfwood full on with lips, tongues, and other appendages. Wolfwood was so startled that he didn't realize that Rhubee was ravenously crushing her lips against his while her tongue was practically having a war with his mouth. When he did realize, he was intoxicated. His hands began to roam around her body, and Rhubee's arms were wrapped around his neck. Everybody around them could think only think that they looked like frisky bunnies-turned-humans.

Wolfwood and Rhubee were officially in full make-out mode.

Vash had hoped to get to that mode with Kymbyrlee, but alas, it was unsuccessful. The mary-sue was too busy when her wandering eyes had locked themselves on a pair of shirtless twins who had the bodies of Greek gods. Two for one, Kymbyrlee congratulated herself on receiving the jackpot. Without even excusing herself from Vash, she giddily ran over to the twins, whispered something risqué into both of their ears. Vash watched sadly as Kymbyrlee and the shirtless twins tried not-so-stealthily to sneak into a private area that was covered by long curtains draping from the ceiling.

After Kymbyrlee was gone, Vash suddenly snapped out of his "i luv mary-sues" state of mind. He felt woozy and just the beginnings of what was going to be a killer headache, which was rare because Vash had never been sick in his entire life. What he didn't know was that the wooziness and headache was a side-effect of Kymbyrlee's manipulating powers.

He made his way to the bar in hopes of finding a glass of water and an aspirin.

"Hey man, you don't look too good. You're kinda pale," the concerned bartender said.

"Please just give me a water and maybe an aspirin," Vash sat down then laid his head in his hands. While he waited, his ears perked up to the sounds of moans, gasps, and grunts to right of him. He peeked through his fingers and saw a very amorous couple showing their love for each other, but there was something very familiar about the man…

"Wolfwood!"

"Huh?" Wolfwood saw Vash sitting next to him. He untangled himself from Rhubee, then put an arm around her waist, "Yo Vash, hasn't this been a great time?"

"Eh," Vash cringed slightly, rolled his eyes, and turned away, "I can't believe this is happening," he muttered under his breath. He noticed from the noises next to him that Wolfwood and Rhubee were back to make-out mode.

Vash received his water and aspirin greedily, gulping all of the water down. He laid his head and arms down on the counter, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping the sounds would drown themselves out.

He wished to get out, he wished the walls would start crumbling, he wished the "karaoke bar" would just collapse, he wished everything was back to normal, he wished for the walls to crumble, he wished it would collapse, he wished it would crumble, collapse, crumble, get out, crumble…

Shrieks and screams alarmed Vash to lift his head. The music had stopped, and he noticed that people were pointing at the walls and ceilings, while others were frantically trying to herd themselves out of the doors. Vash looked at the walls, saw cracks and heard the sound of breaking concrete. The room began to shake as debris fell from the ceiling. The walls were crumbling, the building was collapsing.

Vash gaped in wonder for a second.

"Whoa, it actually worked."

**To be continued.**

A/N: I liiiiiive! And the story is coming to close. I've been smacked by the writer's block, added with a dust of laziness. Cross your fingers. Hopefully, I can get the next chapter in soon rather than in several months.

I loved all of the suggestions/ways to kill off the mary-sues. They're just so…witty! Muahahaha…I'm gonna have fun with this. I'm thinking just two more chapters until their demise. Oh, plus, I love Sunoko's idea of men hitting on the dressed up Trigun boys. It is a _fantastical_ idea…:3

I want to thank everybody for their wonderful reviews. :) And of course, for everybody who's read this.


	10. The Thomas Herd

xP Copyright disclaimers are inserted here. Wow, how long has it been? Five months? Oo….sorry about the hiatus.

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

Chapter 10.

Vash played and counted his rings (9 to be exact) as they clinked next to each other on a shabby, terra-cotta, wooden counter. In front of him was the leftover of Mikey's famous hangover-be-gone concoction, oddly viscous, and also including miniscule moving tentacles…but Vash feared for his health (or lack of thus far) and the fact that the men's bathroom was about ten miles long. He drank it in one quick gulp, trying his best not to notice the disgustingly bitter taste.

Vash the Stampede, the Humanoid Typhoon had unfortunately crumbled a karaoke bar single-handedly and was now left at a normal, western, saloon-styled bar in the early grips of the morning's rays, titled _The Drunken Barmaid_. Mikey, a burlesque and hairy man who sported old scars, battle wounds, and a patch over his left eye, was a good acquaintance who gave Vash, as well as the rest of his drunken crew, some solace from their hangovers. To the right of Vash was an overly-bored Wolfwood. The priest was after all, still a priest, and drank rarely (but Vash had found out, Wolfwood had a great tolerance for alcohol). Nicholas D. Wolfwood stared at the many beer mugs which stood in straight, organized rows on wood shelves. His head on one hand while his elbow was propped on the bar, Wolfwood lazily played with his lighter with his other hand, below the stool's length. The flame flickered on and off, while a cigarette with wispy smoke dangled from Wolfwood's lips. Glitter had showered everything close to Wolfwood's vicinity, even the flat soda pop in front of him.

Sadly for Vash, on his left was an obviously un-straight man who had came from the same karaoke bar Vash had destroyed. Many of the karaoke bar/club occupants had made residence in _The Drunken Barmaid_ to sleep off whatever remained of the night. It surprised Vash how much time he had stayed in that posh place.

But, back the man who was so obviously interested in Vash.

Coyly smiling, the man had tried several times to scoot closer to Vash in hopes of placing his hand on Vash's rather well-toned thigh. He ran his hands through his curly red hair, winking at Vash and giving false smooches and blowing them to the already exhausted humanoid typhoon. Vash had lived through a spaceship, a spaceship crashing, a dead foster mother, a homicidal _and_ genocidal twin brother, a blown-up town named July, a lost arm, a hole in the moon, and not to mention one temperamental but petite insurance girl. But being hit on by a _man_, it was an entirely new concept for him. Vash at first found it flattering, awkwardly smiling at the red-headed man that wore nothing but a blue snakeskin vest, matching tight pants, and obvious signs of a g-string. This, on the other hand, encouraged the man as he slid his orange-painted hand even higher up Vash's thigh, coming very close to a man's sacred area. Vash promptly scooted away.

Vash noticed that the gay man had scooted even closer, his fingers barely brushing Vash's knee. Without another word and barely a twitch in his face, Vash's fist connected cleanly and smartly with the man's face. A single _whack_, and he was out cold. Vash caught the man before he fell over. He clenched a crumple of snake-skin and with one arm; he deftly flung the redhead over his shoulder to a pile of sleeping karaoke residents in a corner. Barely an oomph was heard, and the people in the pile shifted somewhat when the man with the g-string had fallen in. Vash turned a little back to the counter. Wolfwood barely moved his head when a man swiftly flew over his head, still flicking his lighter on and off.

Vash the Stampede laid down his head on the bar and continued to play with his rings, wondering if he could give one of them to a certain girl.

Legato was nowhere in sight, but if one squinted very very hard, he/she/it could see a mop of blue hair sticking out between a pile including a heavy-set black woman in gold (the main singer for the karaoke bar), two lanky men in bright orange jumpsuits, and a tiny lady with 6 inch heels who was snoring loudly and still clutched a shot glass in one of her hands.

As for Knives…Who the hell knew where Knives was? For most of his adult life, Vash really didn't know, and for now, he really didn't want to know.

It was quiet in the bar, which was not unusual for that time. The setting was oddly inviting if it wasn't for the idea that there were large amounts of people snoring around the place. The clock on the wall opposite of Vash and Wolfwood read five-thirty a.m. Mikey was near the entrance, sweeping away whatever remnants of glitter, shoes, and undergarments had been discarded. The stools were placed upside-down on the bar as well as the surrounding tables. The red "closed" sign hung bleakly from the window, warning anybody not to come close to _The Drunken Barmaid_.

The Mary-Sues were not to be found. After Vash's mental destruction of the karaoke bar, it was figured that the mary-sues had discovered a canon character who actually had the capabilities to challenge their powers in the Trigun-verse. Vash remained clueless, however.

While everyone else was sleeping off their previous night of partying and listening to horrendous pop songs, Vash and Wolfwood heard the thumps of a fist hitting the door.

Mikey was quite glad that he invested in actual doors than those swinging saloon boards which his brother at first recommended. Whoever was outside was making flurry of each knock.

Mike gruffly said, "I'm sorry, we're closed right now." the knocks paused for a moment.

And it started again. A muffled voice replied with extreme agitation and desperation, "Please! I need to come in." Vash raised his head. He noticed that the voice matched that of Meryl's. He motioned Mikey's attention with his arm.

"Oi Mikey, I know her. Let her in would you?" Mikey reluctantly nodded. He unlocked the door, and a small dark-haired woman stumbled in.

Meryl was gasping and huffing, and perspiration formed on her brow. She leaned over, trying her best to catch her breath. Vash promptly grabbed a clean glass, filled it with water from the tap over the counter and walked over to Meryl. She gratefully grasped the water from his offering hand. She gulped down the water with great vigor. Vash watched her with a little concern. When Meryl was done, she brusquely wiped her mouth when water dribble down. Vash noticed her dust covered boots and dirt all over her cape.

"Jeez insurance girl, if I didn't know better, it looked like you ran a marathon in a sand storm."

Meryl glared. Vash smirked.

"For your information, there's some dire problems going on back at home," she slammed the empty glass on a nearby table, "and you're needed back. As well as the priest. And your brother. And Legato…"

"What problems?" Wolfwood asked while he slowly stirred the straw in his soda.

Meryl turned slightly to face him, "Kym-byr-lee and the little girl with huge endorsements on her chest decided to steal our only two thomases."

"What's so bad about that?" Wolfwood asked idly. Meryl snorted.

"And they decided to steal every other thomas in the town, start a stampede which will go ALL the way through_ the middle of the town_."

Vash crossed his arms and said softly, "The well's in the heart of the town."

"Exactly. If that stampede gets through, a lot of property will be destroyed as well as one of the only few water sources that can supply the whole town," Meryl then muttered, "…and I might just get my job back at the insurance firm."

Vash pinched the bridge of his nose. What were those girls thinking?

"I'm guessing Milly still back at home?" Wolfwood looked at Meryl.

"Yeah, she said she would distract the mary-sues for the meantime with her gun, a shotgun, several mirrors, and about ten magazines about fashion. Milly theorized that the Kymbyrlee and Rhubee were doing it to prove that they can _do_ something besides being shallow, two-dimensional characters that annoy everybody. I guess apparently, Vash was able to somehow resist their powers, resulting in a 'chain reaction', as Milly called it, which should've stopped the rest of you guys to stop slobbering over the sues," Vash sheepishly looked down at the floor while Wolfwood took another drag of his cigarette.

"She said something about time-space relativity and how the universe was mending the tear which the mary-sues made or something. All I know is that the two idols of _perfection_ are pissed about it and somehow need to demonstrate their meaningless existence to the, as Milly calls them," Meryl brought up two quote signs with her fingers, "'fanfiction gods.'"

There was a pregnant pause. Afterwards Wolfwood said casually, "Eh, her theory seems plausible enough. Let's get outta here and save the world again before I re-die."

"We have to do something about Knives and Legato. They might be of some help." Vash said.

"Nah, I say we go back and first off, _change_ out of these clothes into something a little more…suitable. We'll pull the blue freak and your brother out later." Wolfwood pushed the butt of his cigarette into an ash tray, and then flung his jacket over his shoulder. He found his old glasses lying in a pocket somewhere. He carefully slid them on.

He walked past Vash and Meryl.

"Well, aren't you guys coming?"

Vash and Meryl looked at each other for a second, looked back at Wolfwood, and simultaneously said:

"Yeah."

It was well around six-thirty or seven a.m. when the trio went through the town to their humble abode on the outskirts of the small city. Usually, shops would be opening; vendors would be selling hot tamales or something. But, it was unusually silent.

No trucks, cars, or thomases were rolling down the dusty streets, no people walking on the sidewalks to work. When they passed by one of their favorite diners, coffee and waffle scents would be wafting from the blue restaurant, beckoning them in for breakfast.

There was nothing. No smell, no sight of Stella, the diner's loud-mouthed owner. Nothing. It was the same eerie lack of noise that always approached Vash before he was about to face something incredibly and indescribably bad. The mary-sues were definitely up to something. Vash unconsciously pulled out his glasses, and then slid them up his nose with his index finger. His hand settled on the side of his thigh where his gun usually nestled in.

He felt nothing but soft jean cloth. He forgot. He left his gun in the god-knows-where desert after claiming his brother. (He left his red coat out there too, but unusually, he found it folded neatly on his bed when he came home one day.) He knew that he had another gun in his prosthetic arm.

But would it really be necessary. The trio stopped, and Wolfwood looked at Vash skeptically.

"Just noticed that too?" Wolfwood nudged his head in the direction of Vash's hand looming over empty space. The priest began to unclasp many of his bracelets (a gift from the mary-sues), dropping each one into the dust.

Each one made a muted but echoing clink that pervaded the silence.

"This is really weird," Meryl said. A breeze flew by, ruffling their hairs gently.

"Shh. Do you hear that?" Vash strained his ears. There was a subdued sound of a single pair of steps galloping in the distance. It was increasing in volume as the distance between Meryl, Vash, and Wolfwood shortened continuously.

"Well, I'll be damned." Wolfwood said as he looked at the horizon. A sleepy smile graced his mouth.

Perched atop a frenzied thomas was Milly. She was clutching onto her wide-brimmed hat while her other hand steered the thomas by the reins. Her shoulders were tense, and her back was hunched over. Her trench-coat fluttered in the wind behind her as a large cloud of dust was left in the wake of the thomas and its rider.

Within minutes, the thomas slowed down feet away from the trio, it head hanging low from such a far sprint. Wolfwood walked to its side and helped Milly off of the tired creature. The thomas then cantered off in search of water.

Milly dusted off the dirt on her pants, "Well Sempai, it only worked for a little while."

"Oh no…" Meryl groaned as she slid her hand onto her face. They were doomed. DOOMED.

"So, uh, how are we gonna stop a herd of stampeding thomases from ruining this town?" Wolfwood inquired Vash.

"I don't know."

"Oh! Here, these were lying around the house." Milly threw a gun to Vash and then another one to Wolfwood.

Wolfwood cocked his gun and said, "Well, I guess these could work. Do you just have these randomly lying out in the house for anytime use?"

"Mmhmm!" Milly said brightly, "Sempai said it was good to have precautions."

Wolfwood chuckled at Meryl while she growled at him.

Off in the distance was a thundering sound, quiet at first, but gaining more noise as each yard was gained. Vash cocked his gun and lowered his hand down to his side. Milly had a long shotgun leaning casually against her hip, and Meryl had flipped out two of her small derringers in each hand from underneath her cape. Wolfwood took a step next to Vash.

"You know, I thought that I was done with this stuff." Vash told Wolfwood.

"What? Going in with guns ablazin'? It feels like old times." Wolfwood grinned at Vash.

"True." Vash lifted his sunglasses up to see the faint bodies of many, _many_ thomases galloping from outside of the city. The images became clearer and much larger.

The four of them stood in pensive silence, each looking out into the far distance until the thomases were hundred yards away. Vash looked at the rope innocently hanging from a post, and then back at the galloping herd. He felt time slow down as each hoofbeat became louder and louder, and his finger twitched over the trigger.

That was, until a small girl, barely 2 years old, toddled few feet in front of them into the middle of the road. The thomases was approaching even closer to them as Vash exclaimed,

"Oh shit!" And just as he was going to run over to pick up the girl, a familiar female voice from behind called out in a booming tone,

"Never fear! The Kawaii Team is here!"

And Meryl thought, _Oh it can't be…_

**TBC.**

**  
**A/N: Yeah…let's wait for chapter 11. : Thanks for the reviews! Since it's spring break, and I already have the end in mind, let's hope I get the next chapter out before we all die from old age.

Oh! And if you see any mistakes, tell me. : Thanks very much!


	11. The Finale

Usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

**Trigun: The Mary-Sue**

The (it-took-way-too-long-to-get-here) Final Chapter

The world stood still on its axis as the thomas herd suddenly halted a mere few inches away from the toddler. It was a little eerie how all the creatures raised their heads to stare at the beauty known as the Mary-Sue. Even the little girl stopped crying and turned her head to stare while she babbled, "Preeeeetty!" People began to trickle out of buildings to see what had happened since the deafening cacophony of stomping feet stopped. They were then overcome with hushed reverence for the sight before them. Rhubee and Kymbyrlee stood majestically against the twin suns, their shadows stretching out to the edges of the thomas herd. The self-titled "Kawaii Team" was atop of a relatively high pile of large crates, signifying their (not so) metaphorical superiority over canon characters. Milly nudged Meryl, whose mouth was gaping the size of a large crater.

Meryl didn't have any other words for the sight before her. It...it...it...was absolutely and utterly _ridiculous_.

"_Catsuits_? Really? Again? In this weather?!" she screeched.

Rhubee and Kymbyrlee wore matching baby blue and hot pink catsuits that showed off their ample cleavage, respectively. Kymbyrlee wore a wide brimmed cowboy hat with adorable ponies on it, and a low-slung belt with a buckle that read "PRINCESS". Twin guns were attached to the side of her shapely thighs, and Vash could not help but to notice that her guns looked oddly like his own. Her petite feet were set in a pair of uncomfortable looking, thigh-high leather boots with wedged heels. Rhubee herself wore an electric yellow belt that screamed 'fashion faux-pas' with a large crown-shaped buckle. And in some way, somehow, Rhubee was able to stand in a pair of painful, four-inch heeled, stiff vinyl, cowboy boots. A shotgun was slung over shoulder, and it had her name embossed on the barrel as the gun gleamed in the light. The rhinestones on their catsuits shimmered, and the tacky random dragon designs on their clothes made Martha, the local seamstress, shoot herself. Luckily, it was non-fatal.

Apparently, the two mary-sues reconciled their differences, realized that they could share Knives (or maybe make a Knives clone), and came together as the tour-de-force of every sane reader's nightmare. Vash restrained Meryl from clawing out the precious stone-studded eyes of Rhubee and Kym.

"You gotta admit," Wolfwood lazily noted, "they're pretty hot."

Milly had no qualms about smacking Wolfwood upside the head and then smiling innocently. Wolfwood ruefully rubbed his head and chuckled. Knives, who suddenly popped out of nowhere behind Vash, was screaming all of his love and devotion to both Rhubee and Kymbyrlee. Legato reluctantly trailed after him and cradled the mother of all hangovers. He whimpered miserably. He only became an alcoholic because of the mary-sues.

"I frickin' _hate _badly written original characters," he cried. He wished he was dead again.

Believing that she had enough worship coming from the locals, Kymbyrlee clapped her two impeccable, pale hands together. Her powers of psychic connection to animals forced the thomas closest to the front to slowly approach the toddler. Vash watched with unusual curiosity. The toddler shrunk back, clutching her teddy bear with dear life, as the thomas lowered its head and gently bumped the child.

In a flurry of sequins, rhinestones, boobs, and guns flashing, the Kawaii Team jumped down from their throne in a long sounded 'whoosh' and landed perfectly in front of the offending thomas with their guns pointed directly at the thomas's head. The poor creature bayed from fright.

"I thought mary-sues were compassionate to animals," Milly whispered to Meryl.

Then Kymbyrlee holstered her gun, bent down and pressed the thomas against her liberal bosom. She petted the creature. "It's all right; it's not your fault! You're just angry. I'm here for you!" she tutted.

Meryl sighed. "There's your answer."

"I think she's strangling it," Wolfwood pointed out as he patted his pants for a cigarette.

The other mary-sue scooped up the toddler and in an uncharacteristic action, cooed at the child. Besides being angsty and somewhat bitchy, Rhubee the avenger also happened to be motherly and had some deep-hidden want of a family. Wow, what a complex character. Meryl nearly gagged from the sugary saccharine sight that Rhubee made.

Knives was taken back by the amazing kindness each mary-sue had for life. It almost made him care for humanity. Almost.

Surprisingly, the little girl looked even more terrified of Rhubee than of the thomas. She struggled and squirmed in Rhubee's grasp and screamed "MOMMY!" at the top of her lungs. Rhubee subsequently decided that she was too young and too good-looking to have children and therefore, unfit to even care about children. So she carelessly flung the little girl over her shoulder.

Vash ran out quickl and caught the toddler effortlessly. He handed the child to her weeping mother and pushed up his glasses while cautiously watching the mary-sues. Have no child to fawn over and to show everybody how astounding and Mother Theresa-ish she was as a person, Rhubee was bored. So she stuck out her hand, pointed at Wolfwood, and beckoned him over.

"I want to continue that nice make-out session we had last night," she said in a sultry voice. Milly began to turn a bright pink.

Wolfwood clicked on his lighter, held it to the cigarette in his mouth, and let out a thin trail of smoke. He looked at Milly beside him and then at Rhubee in front of him.

"Sorry babe. I don't like girls who threaten the people around them just to build their ego." He reached out and grasped Milly's hand. "Besides, I don't know how many STDs you have."

Meryl guffawed, and Vash bit back a smirk. After that episode in the karaoke bar, Wolfwood was feeling a tad _immune_ to the mary-sues and their powers. All of them were. Except for Knives who was giving oogly-eyes to Kymbyrlee.

In response, Rhubee fumed. Her nostrils flared, and her golden eyes glinted dangerously. She had never, ever, ever, _ever_ been rejected by a man she wanted.

She warned them, "I'm called Rhubee Bluesummers the avenger for a reason."

Legato rolled his eyes, and everything poured out of him like a broken dam. "Mary-sues shouldn't use lame plot conveniences for self-glorification. I should be dead, you know, or at least an awesome badass. And learn to make things plausible and believable," he ranted. "If I come back from the dead, give some good reason why! And stop dressing up like some skanks with overly elaborate clothes because it doesn't apply to the canoncity of this place! Don't warp our universe so badly that nothing makes sense, and it makes everyone, I mean _everyone_ cringe and want to gouge their eyes out. You're horrible original characters that are shallow, two-dimensional, and absolutely, completely, totally _unoriginal_."

Vash quirked an eyebrow at Legato. Wolfwood let out a low whistle.

"Someone's angry," Meryl said. Milly nodded in agreement. Rhubee growled and grounded her teeth in a very unbecoming manner.

"What?" the blue-haired man snapped. "I'm Legato Bluesummers, I've killed countless numbers of people, and I've made Vash the Stampede's life a living hell."

His voice lost its frenzied canter and began to sound much like his characteristic smooth vowels and mellifluous tone. He walked unhurriedly to Rhubee, his own golden eyes dangerously calm.

"And you, my dear, are not my sister. You're a pathetic creature who doesn't deserve to live."

Rhubee's anger was quickly replaced with fear because that thing he was doing with his eyes was just creeping her out. Her heart dully thudded as fear gripped her inside. Knives watched with gleeful fascination at Legato's sudden transformation. Legato stopped in front of his so-called sister and leaned in close.

"You're nothing," he whispered into her ear. Rhubee sharply inhaled. "Die."

Something shattered in her mind jolted through her very existence with burning, fiery pain. She emitted a gurgle, unable to scream out. She watched Legato with wide-eyes before crumpling to the ground, her body unmoving.

It was silent for several long heartbeats.

"Oh, this is not good," Vash finally said. Legato sinisterly smiled at him. "This is definitely not good."

Vash pulled Meryl behind him and drew out his gun. Wolfwood did the same, tensely gripping Milly's hand.

"I really hoped not to die again," he muttered.

Then out of the blue, a pair of womanly arm wrapped itself around Legato's waist. He was puzzled for a moment until Kymbyrlee's ginger (or is it blonde this time?) head appeared over his shoulder.

"Hey baby," she purred. "Looks like it's just you and me, huh?" She obviously had no remorse over the death of her fellow mary-sue. Then again, no one else did. A wonderful scent of overwhelming fruit fragrances from those Bath and Body Works body spritzes and woman, whatever that was, nauseated Legato until he was finding himself in love all over again.

He smiled goofily. "Ooooooh yeah."

Knives glared daggers at Legato and angrily stomped to the pair. The resulting argument was loud, a little nonsensical, and positively obnoxious as Kym stayed plastered to the backside of Legato. The crowd of people and the thomas herd lost interest and went back to their respective places.

Meryl thudded her head against Vash's back. "You have got to be kidding me." Vash released a laugh.

Milly tapped Meryl's shoulder. "Senpai, I think we have a problem." She pointed up to the sky, and Meryl, Vash, and Wolfwood looked up.

Dark clouds loomed over the town, covering the twin suns, and harkened rumbling from the skies. A crack of lightening zipped through the air to the ground right next to Vash's toe. He "eep'd" and flailed his arms, forcing Meryl's bum to make friends with the hard ground.

Rapid winds rushed out of nowhere and roared into their ears. Their clothes whipped against the wind, pulling upwards. The ominous clouds began to swirl together while the sky opened up a black vortex, spanning the length of the whole town. It began sucking in the air around it while lightening crackled.

"What's going on?" Vash yelled through the noise.

"The canon continuum is ripping itself apart!" Milly shouted over the piercing racket, "We still have one mary-sue and two people who should be dead!"

"What does that mean Milly?!" Meryl asked, holding onto Vash's arm.

"Senpai, we're gonna die!"

"That's great," Wolfwood sarcastically commented and grabbed Milly. "What do we do?!" Milly shook her head since there was only so much she knew. Her hair flew from the violent wind, and she shrieked when an especially swift gale flew forth. Lightening struck a few inches from

"The diner!" Meryl pointed to the building. "We need to go!" The four of them made their way to the diner, trying their best to protect themselves from the lightening and wind.

When they made it into the empty diner, Vash pushed the door closed with some difficulty, and then slid to the floor. They all panted from the pure workout it took to walk through _those_ conditions wracking upon them. Meryl plopped herself onto a chair, and Milly rested her weight on a table, trying to capture her breath.

Wolfwood peered out the window and spotted Legato and Knives duking it out while Kymbyrlee happily watched.

"They're still out there."

"We're doomed," Meryl moaned, and she threw herself back against the chair. They all stayed silent for a moment, contemplating what to do with their last moments left on Gunsmoke.  
_  
_Then by the volition of the author and the fanfiction gods, Vash had an epiphany.

"I got it!" Vash quickly picked himself up and sped out the door into the hellish weather.

"Whaa--?" Wolfwood asked in the wake.

"Vash, you _idiot_! What do you think you're doing?" Meryl cried after him. They followed after him, avoiding the lightening.

"Vash-san! It's dangerous!"

Vash took no heed to them and ran out to the middle of the road, past the dueling pair, up to Kymbyrlee.

"You." He pointed at her.

Kymbyrlee batted her eyes, her lustrous eyelashes fluttering. "Me?" she coyly asked, splaying her fingers along her chest.

"Yeah, you." Vash suddenly hoisted a very confused Kymbyrlee over his shoulder and took off. When Legato and Knives noticed that the object of their affections was gone, they sprinted after Vash, screaming obscenities and threats of castration. Vash ignored them and ran to the spot where the center of the vortex met the town.

"What are you doing?!" Kymbyrlee yelped.

Vash stopped and gazed up to the swirling heart of the vortex. "Hopefully, getting you back home."

"NO!" she shrieked. She kicked and screamed and pounded her perfect little fists against Vash. "WHY?!"

A large, long arm reached out from the vortex's center to grab the mary-sue on Vash's shoulder. A mammoth hand plucked up Kymbyrlee and began to recede back into the vortex.

"GAH!" Kym cried as she was lifted off of Vash and dangled in the air. Legato and Knives caught up to Vash, only to watch their beloved Kymbyrlee be spirited away by a massive hand into a whirlpool in the sky.

"You don't belong here," Vash answered her question.

Meryl grabbed Vash's arm, staring with awe at the scene above her. Milly waved, and Wolfwood gaped.

"YOOOOU SUUUUUCK!" Kymbyrlee bawled before she was pulled into the vortex and away from Gunsmoke. After she was pulled in, the vortex quickly collapsed upon itself, closing itself until it was nothing but a little speck. With an audible "_pop_!" it disappeared.

The winds retreated, and the clouds dissipated, allowing patches of light to peek through until the suns were shining brightly. There wasn't a cloud in the sky.

Vash smiled brilliantly. He saved the world. Again. Meryl pulled on his arm.

"Where'd you think of that?" she inquired. Vash shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Plot convenience."

Wolfwood patted Vash on the shoulder. "That's one helluva convenience."

"Good job Vash-san!" Milly happily congratulated.

Vash was about to give his thanks when he heard a clear _thump_ behind him. They turned around to the noise, finding Knives fainted, sprawled across the ground in an unseemly fashion. Legato stood beside Knives with a grumpy expression on his face.

Milly caught a glimpse of Wolfwood's hands turning translucent. "No."

Vash and Meryl turned to Milly. They noticed Wolfwood transparent state, and he regretfully grinned. Meryl gasped, and Vash had solemn look on his face.

Milly grabbed his hands and fearfully looked at him. He smiled reassuringly.

"Looks like it's time to go." His voice was beginning to echo and weaken. He let go of Milly and stepped back next to Legato, whose legs were suddenly absent.

The universe began to align itself as Wolfwood and Legato started to fade out of existence.

Legato let out a sigh of relief. "Finally."

Wolfwood smirked and bode his friends farewell. He tilted his head slightly and waved.

"I'll see you."

His voice lingered after his body disappeared.

Then with a sudden flash, a bright light engulfed the area, swallowing the past events and this whole story with a possible deus ex machina device, rendering this tale a complete null and void.

So this was how Vash found himself: lying in the desert like at the beginning, starting with chapter one. His thomas nibbled at his boots.

He had no recollection whatsoever of Kymbyrlee, Rhubee, or their resulting chaos. In fact, all he could really recall at the moment was that he needed to get back home in time for dinner or Meryl was going to have his head.

Vash sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "I wonder how I got on the ground," he told his thomas as he affectionately scratched the animal.

He stood up and wiped the sand off of his clothes. He picked up his pack of supplies from the ground and threw it over his shoulder. For an instant, he looked up to the sky, expecting something to come out of it. Then, a fuzzy image of a blonde girl with changing hair color and a large chest came to mind, and for a moment, he could smell the sweet artificial smell of manipulation and mediocrity.

Vash shook off the feeling, telling himself it was nothing, and the smell was replaced by the dry, earthy scent of the desert. He mounted the thomas and looked up at the blazing suns once more before clicking at the thomas and pulling its reins. The thomas bolted off, and Vash got the odd sensation that he was being watched.

But seeing as how there was no one around him besides dust and dirt, he ignored it and went along his merry way.

--

_Many, many isles away in a tavern in the middle of nowhere._

The doors shot open as a young woman, no older than twenty, sauntered in. She hid her face underneath a weathered old ranch hat that was the color of dusty-rose, and her ginger hair was tied back in a simple ponytail. The usual barflies stared at her because it was rare to see a woman in those parts. She wore a pair of worn jeans and a battered leather jacket. Her brown boots clacked against the old wood of the floor.

She walked up to the bar and thumped the counter to catch the attention of the gnarled old barkeeper. The woman signaled for a beer. The black cat that had been sleeping on the bar woke up with a "nyao" and blinked its green eyes at the newcomer.

"What's yer name missy?" asked the aged barkeep as he set down a mug in front of her.

"Ky—" She cleared her throat. "Kimberly."

He nodded slowly while wiping a mug clean. "What brings a pretty lady like you to a place like this?"

Kimberly raised her hat, and the clarity of her blue eyes startled the barkeeper.

"I'm looking for Vash the Stampede."

**End.**

* * *

A/N: Hey guys. Four years in the making, huh? I know, I'm really bad with finishing stories. Eck! Don't kill me! Anyway, I'm not expecting to add a sequel because it probably would take me another four years to finish that one, but hey, whoever's willing, have fun with Kym or bring back Rhubee. They were both created for pure entertainment.

I want to thank all of you who reviewed (if you're still out there!). I really couldn't have written the fic whatsoever without you guys. Good job to everyone who made it through the first, really, horribly, badly written chapters and to making it to the very end.

Thank you, farewell, and good night!


End file.
